02.28.07

Where is Jason Now? Cheers and Safe Travels to Jason Newquist!

Posted in Blogroll at 11:03 pm

On September 18, 2006, my friend and co-worker, Jason Newquist, quit his job. Jason decided that he had had enough of corporate America, and wanted to embark on an adventurous journey around the world.

Newquist, or “The Nuke”, had been living dirt cheap in his cousin’s farmhouse outside of Austin, stockpiling cash for an entire year. He survived without running hot water and much human contact while at home. Showers were taken at work and at places such as my apartment. Bringing home girls would be an adventure as he drove towards ‘haunted’ country. Tractors and trucks were more common than Internet. When he wasn’t bathing out of a metal pot or getting stuck in the mud, Jason was a great worker… but his heart just wasn’t in it.

After one final farmhouse party in the autumn, Jason finally embarked towards Europe over Christmas break. His travels are being documented at www.whereisjasonnow.com, which I begged him to create so that we could keep up. You have to love Jason’s spirit and attitude in these posts. Without a doubt, my favorite story thus far is National Lampoon’s Portuguese Vacation, in which Nuke is constantly humiliated at every turn. His rental car fiasco is hilarious!

Despite my belief that Jason probably planned on bolting all along, he is a totally great guy and standout character. I am truly jealous of what he’s done — not because he’s traveling the world, but because he is chasing his dream. I know that Jason will land on his feet wherever he ends up (our guess is Australia), because people love him. One regret is that I didn’t hang out with him more.

Well, Nuke, cheers to you! The warm staff here at mikeroberto.com wishes you safe travels, and if you end up in Asia, jump over the pond and come visit me in LA!
-Berto

PS: Don’t forget that beer you shotgunned in the picture below… you look AWFUL!

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02.25.07

Five Years Into the Future

Posted in Life, The Universe, and Everything at 10:53 pm

These past few years have been pretty wild for me. I had the best of my college years, graduated, traveled Europe, moved 1400 miles southwest, and then moved another 1400 miles west.

Sometimes I contemplate this path. But rather than just think “How in the hell did I end up out here?” I prefer to jazz things up:

I often find myself in really weird situations. And when this happens, I like to imagine this dilemma:

I have just been instantly teleported to the present situation from 5 years ago. What would I think? What would I do? How would I put this all together?

The last great episode began on a few Saturday mornings. I was walking under a bridge, and passed by a bum. And then it hit me — “how in the world did I end up in this situation? Would would I do if I had just been shot here from 5 years ago?” The teleportation has occurred, and this is what happened:

My first thoughts involve how I’m feeling. I’m obviously older, and 25 pounds heavier. I should be feeling okay… but actually, I feel like garbage. I have a headache, I’m craving pizza, and I feel absolutely filthy. What happened to me?

Putting it together, I realize that I’m hungover. Great. Why am I walking under a bridge? What day is it? Who is this bum I’m passing? AM I A BUM?!

I look down, and see that I’m wearing some halfway decent jeans, a solid black t-shirt, and some decent shoes. Not bad. I’m probably not a bum.

I get out from under the bridge, and there are palm trees. I’m guessing I’m in Phoenix, and the morning sun is a bit hot.

I see a sign mentioning Wadsworth Civic Center. Wadsworth, OH? Are there palm trees in Ohio?

I check my pockets. I find my old familiar wallet, which is the same one since high school. A TEXAS driver’s license? I live in Austin, TX? Where the hell is that, and why did I move to Texas?

The registration date is late 2006. WHAT?! This is not good. My heart is pounding.

Looking around, this is obviously a big city with buildings in the distance. Maybe I got lost in Dallas. There is an insane amount of traffic.

I have a beard in my picture, and look like a goofball. I feel my face. Beard. I feel my hair. Still using slimy hair products. Some things never change.

I feel around my pockets and find a cell phone. It is password protected. The first few passwords do not work. I’ll play with that later.

Digging around in my wallet, there’s credit cards, insurance cards, cash, nothing special. I dig deeper and finally find my business cards. “West LA Field Engineer?” LA? That’s nuts, as of yesterday (2002) I’d never even been in California. My card says I’m a field engineer… cool, I’ve always wanted a role just like that. I’ve never heard of this company, but I have the address on my card: Hermosa Beach. I work on the beach? I am instantly happy with this job.

My satisfaction is interrupted by the pulsating headache. 20 year old Mikey is not used to this kind of hangover. This sucks. It’s gonna get worse, too. I am worried. And thirsty.

I have keys to an Acura. Maybe I got wasted last night and lost my car. I would never drink and drive… would I? No, not me. Not ever.

At this point, I’m at an impasse, and don’t know what to do. I’m from Ohio, I’m registered in Texas, and I’m working in LA. Does that make sense? What happened to my family? My friends? Why am I so far from them? I never imagined this.

Everything I need is in this Blackberry phone I’m holding. I start punching in passwords, and in about 5 more tries I have unlocked my phone. I laugh to myself, after the 4 or 5 years that it’s been, some things never change: You still have a weirdo side, and only you would know that ridiculous password.

I play with the phone for 5 minutes. My recent calls involve some interesting people - friends from high school who I lost contact with, unknown names, and my senior prom date. My parents are still in the phone with the same phone number. This makes me happy. My brother’s area code is unfamiliar, also making me happy.

Too embarrassed to call home, I play with the phone for 5 more minutes. I find a Google map program on the phone, and see that it is focused on a billiards bar’s address. These must be the culprits who sold me so many drinks. 10 minutes of messing with this maps program and I think I know where I’m at in the world.

Taking the plunge, I finally decide to call home. I am happy to hear my mom’s familiar voice. I ask what is going on. She is concerned and cries. We decide that I have officially drank myself stupid. We talk and I hear that things were supposedly going well, I just moved here, and I must need to see a doctor badly. Hell, the least thing I remember was partying at Ohio State, not in LA.

We decide that I must be looking for my car, so I go to the bar where I was. They are not open. I walk around, hitting the alarm button trying to find an Acura. After 45 minutes, I trip a car’s alarm. Outfitted with Texas plates and an Ohio State sticker, this has to be mine.

I get in and dig around. I find one of these iPods. Am I an Apple user now? Fiddling with the controls, I find out that Opeth, In Flames, Devin Townsend, Iron Maiden, and a bunch of others have put out some new music. I am happy.

With new worlds to explore, I drive to my supposed home, and return to my supposed life.

And that’s the daydream I have after I find myself walking under the 405 on a Saturday morning while saying hi to bums. What would your 5-year younger self think if put into todays shoes? What would your 1-year young self think? Would they be happy?

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02.21.07

Update: Feb 14th 2007 Windows Updates Crash explorer.exe Fix

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Technology at 10:54 pm

Warning: This is a HUMILIATION post

I recently reported that I fixed my explorer.exe crashing issue with Windows Updates. I lied.

Uninstalling/reinstalling Windows XP Service Pack 2 worked, but the system returned to fubar mode when it grabbed the Windows updates again.

I embarrassingly cursed upon the realization that I’d have to admit to my readers, who are in legion, that I had made a mistake.

Anyway, one of these Windows Updates was still not installing properly, as mentioned in the previous entry:

I go back into Windows Update and notice that one security update is not installing. This could be part of the problem, but of course MS gives you no useful error message.
— mikeroberto.com technical editor

This ended up being the problem. To fix it:

1. Download and install Qfecheck from Microsoft. This utility will check to see that all of your Windows Updates are installed properly. I recommend everyone do this.
2. Get to a command prompt by Start >> Run >> cmd or through the task manager’s file menu >> New Task as described earlier.
3. Enter cmd to get to the command prompt
4. Enter qfecheck and hit enter. Does it recommend any hotfixes to be reinstalled? It recommended about 5 of them for me
5. Google each one of those hotfixes (ie. just search for KB900725) and one of the top links will take you to Microsoft’s download page for it.
6. Download and install each one, rebooting when it asks, and run qfecheck again.

When all hotfixes are in fact installed properly, your system will run better.

So today we learned three things:

1. Qfecheck is a nice utility that I had never used before.
2. I sometimes like to fix things with a drill and a sledgehammer rather than finesse. When it comes to my computer, that’s fine, but if I fix someone else’s, I gotta put the sledgehammer down
3. I am willing to admit my mistakes and suffer ultimate humiliation for the pleasure and satisfaction of my readers

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02.19.07

bertopics.com Software Updated

Posted in Technology at 12:25 pm

Because I know how y’all love to see pictures of me and my belligerently insane and disturbing friends from college who enjoyed getting so ridiculously, painfully, stinking humiliated DRUNK at all hours of the day, even getting the poor dogs involved, while somehow all miraculously surviving and graduating, I updated bertopics.com.

Bertopics runs on Gallery, and was long overdue for an upgrade. The old version gets slow when you have over 2000 pics. It was to the point where I couldn’t manage anything. Now I can add the stuff that’s been haunting me.

Gallery 2 gives the ability to embed albums, add plugins, and run smoother… but most of all, I just like to keep clicking on the random images.

I hoped this would speed things up, and it has, but I’m still considering a new webhost since my current one (powweb) just isn’t snappy enough.

If you have any pics from OSU, Austin, traveling, or LA, send em over and I can get them added. Let me know if there’s any problems with it or suggestions.

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02.18.07

Got Some New Toys!

Posted in Fitness, Sports at 3:02 pm

Yesterday I headed over to the local Dive ‘n Surf shop and walked out 583 dollars poorer. They were hosting their annual February yard sale, with some huge discounts for the slow season.

I walked in and told the sales guy, Fernando, what I wanted: a long soft top surfboard (used or new), new wetsuit, and removable soft roof rack for my car. They didn’t have much selection of soft boards, but I really liked what they had, as you can see. It’s a 9′ board, making it buoyant and easy for beginners.

Now that I’m in sales, I like to be ’sold’ to. I like to see peoples’ styles and incorporate anything I like into my repertoire. Or better yet, get to use all the annoying objections that I have to hear on a daily basis. However, surfer culture is very laid back, and Fernando had absolutely no sales push. While you might like that, I actually came away disappointed.

I also like to practice negotiating lately. Let’s take a look at the breakdown:

• Surboard: Retail = $579, Normal Dive N’ Surf Price = $479, Yardsale special = $379 (already below the $400 I was willing to spend)
• Body Glove 3/2 Wetsuit: Normal Dive N’ Surf Price = $219, Yardsale special = $149
• Soft Car Roof Rack: $41

Total after 8.25% sales tax = $615.94

Good prices, but more than I wanted to spend. I asked for discounts. He wouldn’t budge on the board, but took another twenty off the wetsuit and ten off the rack. I offered to go get a money order and pay cash if he’d knock more off. He declined.

So the price was $583, but I just wasn’t 100% happy. He gave me some time to think. That’s when I realized that he left out the $20 leash that connects the board to your ankle.

“Fernando, you forgot the leash. If you throw that in I’ll do it all for $583.” Deal.

I’m sure I could have done better (you always can), but at that point I was happy. With the leash, I got 9% off of already-discounted prices. I’m not out to dominate, I just wanna spend less than Joe Sixpack.

Negotiating makes me uncomfortable as hell. Perhaps that’s why it’s fun; it brings us out of our comfort zone and makes us elevate our game.

So anyway, I went surfing today. Or tried to. The tide at Redondo Beach was low, so the water was all deep. Waves weren’t breaking until they were literally on the beach, which means that you’re going to fall straight into sand and get clobbered.

The guys out there were bummed out. They didn’t have time to drive around the city and find a good spot. When there’s no surf, there’s depression. Imagine a group of Harley riders planning a huge weekend of riding, only to have thunderstorms ruin their plans. For us working folk, we only have two days open to surf, so we hope it’s great on those days. The sport is reliant on so many variables.

Either way, I decided to jump in and get some exercise. My board was very comfortable. I have fun just chilling on it and paddling around. One other guy was really good but only caught two waves in over an hour. I struck up conversation — his wife only gave him 2 hours away from the newborn baby, so he was frustrated. The only wave I caught (I guess you could say it caught me) destroyed me in shallow water. It was scary and next time I’ll need to learn to eject.

So guess who joins us to surf - two dolphins and a seal! I was about 20 feet away from these two fins, and quickly got alarmed. I asked the guy “Were those dolphins?” and he jokes “Let’s hope so!” Not surprisingly, the dolphins put us to shame and rode some deep waves.

Fun stuff. And for the first and definitely not the last time, I heard the age old dreaded line, “You should have been here yesterday”.

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