I take great pride in driving your blog’s hit-count to 500 while simultaneously sending staff’s morale into a downward spiral. I’m a writer for hire if you’d like to enlist my services full-time (until July of course).

But, under what internet rock are these meek prize-begging also-rans hiding? I didn’t see any other entries except mine. I bore my soul for a bag of M&Ms people!

I take umbrage w/the slanderous “brilliant-yet-wasted mind”. Sure, my mind is wasted, but by no means brilliant. I’ve already contacted my attorney, who suggested that his retainer fee could be paid w/M&Ms. Now that is brilliance.

Also, I don’t appreciate being reduced to “high-school Jordan”. Weak, man. This here blog ain’t big enough for two Jordans, if you know what I mean. If you want to find me, I’ll be the guy swimming in the pool of PEANUT BUTTER M&Ms!

My contest winning post only went “blue” near the end to ensure that the lazy-assed staff at mikeroberto.com was paying attention.

Get back to work, suckers!