04.28.07

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Thomas Comes Down With Staph Infection While Fishing

Posted in Sports at 9:30 am

CLEVELAND, OH
On NFL Draft Day 2007, Joe Thomas, the offensive lineman from Wisconsin, decided to go against the glamour of New York City and maintain an annual tradition of fishing in Lake Michigan with his father.

Sources close to the family have reported that at 12:52pm EST, just minutes after the Cleveland Browns selected Thomas with their 3rd overall pick of the NFL Draft, Thomas accidentally baited his leg with a Vulcan Lure and tore his left calf muscle, exposing the bone.

Thomas was immediately rushed to the Cleveland Clinic, where his leg was successfully repaired. After the surgery, Phil Savage, Browns General Manager, signed Thomas to a 6 year, $60 million contract.

However, insiders are now reporting that Thomas has come down with a staph infection, which has mobilized and spread throughout his leg. The massive lineman will miss most of the 2007 season, and rumors are circling that his NFL career is possibly over before it even began.

“It’s a very unfortunate disaster,” claimed Savage. “We are evaluating our options and considering whether we may or may not have a potential issue with possible staph infections at the Clinic.”

This is the 6th staph infection that Browns players have come down with since 2003. Linebacker Ben Taylor, wide receiver Braylon Edwards, safety Brian Russell and tight end Kellen Winslow have all had different strains of staph, a bacteria that causes serious health problems after entering the body through the skin.

Stay tuned to mikeroberto.com for more updates on Thomas’ condition.

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04.26.07

Who the Cleveland Browns Will Draft on Saturday

Posted in Sports at 7:41 pm

I am a life-long Cleveland Browns fan. I have memories of the Browns and their colossal collapses ever since I was 5 years old. So when asked who I want the Browns to draft with their #3 pick in the draft this Saturday, I respond “nobody”.

With the possible exception of last year’s draft, our first round picks since the return have been absolute failures and horrible strategic blunders. Because of this, I want to do something we’ve never done before: Trade down. With the top-loaded talent in this year’s draft, I think it’s quite possible.

However, I recently had a dream that the Browns drafted Calvin Johnson with Pick #3 in the NFL draft. The idea was to “hold him hostage” and get some trades in return later. However, we demanded too much, nobody traded for him, and instead, we kept the superstar receiver.

Who then, of course, will go on to shatter his right leg, get busted for drugs, and beat some 17 year old girl within the first year.

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04.08.07

My First Screenplay: New Trix Commercial

Posted in TV at 10:43 am

“The Deuce”

SUNNY DAY IN THE PARK

The Trix Rabbit has a malicious look on his face. He is setting a trap.

TRIX RABBIT (TO HIMSELF)

Those kids are gonna wish they never messed with me this time… I can’t wait to get me some delicous and nutritious fruit-flavored TRIX!

Raspberry red, lemmony yellow, and orangedy orange, YEAH!

SAME SUNNY DAY IN THE PARK

Two kids are skipping down the path, box of Trix in hand. Trix Rabbit is hiding behind a tree on the right side but is purposefully sticking his ears out.

5 YEAR OLD KID 1Is it that goofy rabbit again?

5 YEAR OLD KID 2Yeah… look at those ears - he’s just getting lazy now!

The kids run across to the left side of the path.

5 YEAR OLD KID 1 (TO TRIX RABBIT)Silly Rabbit, Trix are for –

The kids fall into the Trix Rabbit’s trap. They are caught in a net up in the branches of the tree. The box of Trix falls onto the ground.

TRIX RABBITHAHAHAAHA! Now the delicious Trix are MINE! Who’s lazy now?!

The Trix Rabbit pours a bowl of cereal. Orgasmic orchestral music plays in the background, rainbow colors are flashing in the background. The Trix Rabbit begins taking enormous bites of Trix.

(PAUSE)

The Trix Rabbit gets a disappointing look on his face, quickly realizing that the Fruity Pebbles he had been eating since his last bowl of Trix (in 1991) are, in fact, a far superior breakfast cereal.

(Fade to next scene)

IN THE STALLS

The screen flashes “12 Hours Later.” The Trix Rabbit is in a public restroom, smoking a cigarette on the shitter. 5 Year Old Kids finally come in to clean themselves off from the trap.

TRIX RABBITWhat the hell man?!?!! I got GREEN SHITS!

5 YEAR OLD KID 2That’s right, asshole! Now you see what we have to deal with every time we eat that garbage!

5 YEAR OLD KID 1Yeah you bastard! Green shits aren’t just for kids you know!

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04.02.07

I Didn’t Want to Go There Anyway…

Posted in Rants, Sports at 11:38 pm

Well, tonight’s basketball game made it easy. It is with official authority that I tell you that I will never move to Florida. I will avoid visiting at all costs, and I will do as little business there as humanly possible. Forever.

Let me start by saying that I’m not a sore loser – the University of Florida basketball team was clearly the best team in the tournament this year, and they deserve the championship. Furthermore, their football team beat the hell out of ours, and deserved that championship as well.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it ruin my day-to-day life.

Imagine that I live for 100 years. Pretty much, if I lived it out in Florida, for the next 75 miserable years, I would hear on a constant basis about how much Florida owned Ohio State in 2007 from every jackass down there¹ who was privileged enough to speak to me for more than 3 minutes². FOR 75 YEARS.

I have thick skin, but I can’t tolerate such annoyances on a daily basis. So I won’t.

Who would want to subject their lives to this? Every conversation you have with a new person would consist of the same 5 minute spit-fest about 2007, most likely done in a lame and insulting manner. The unfathomably lame phrase “Ohio State is Gator Bait” would drive nails on your chalkboard every time you heard it – and you hear retarded shit like that a lot down in Florida.

You’d have this conversation 50 times with old high school friends at the 10th year reunion:

Me: “Oh yeah, life’s great, except I’m living in Florida”
Other Person: [ahhhs and nods head in understanding, unfortunate fashion]

You would cringe every time you saw that ugly logo, or those ridiculous colors. You would grow to hate people in ways unknown to mankind. The bitterness would be unimaginable.

If you could live a meaningful existence anywhere you wanted, why not do it in a place where you won’t be razzed all your life? I’m bitter enough as it is, and I’m just too lazy to want to deal with it any more than is already necessary.

So count me out; this seals it. I now do not ever want to speak to an additional 5% of this country’s population, nor do I want to set foot in 1.7% of the land mass.

And that’s fine by me. I didn’t want to go there anyway.

¹ Which is practically every native of the state
² Which is, invariably, the amount of time it takes for me to mention my Buckeye roots

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04.01.07

Documenting, Diagramming, and Critiquing the Pligg Database

Posted in Technology at 10:10 pm

Warning: This post shows how much of a geek I am

Recently, I have begun working with Pligg, which is a Web 2.0 content management system modeled after the popular site Digg.com. I am interested in helping this project as there are a few things I’d like to do with it.

To start learning how Pligg operates, I decided to look at the guts underneath, diagram the Pligg MySQL database, and see what functions are making calls to the Pligg tables. For whatever strange reason, I love MySQL databases, so this was a good place to start.

I then created a Pligg wiki page describing the database tables while linking to the database diagram image and to the original MS Visio file.

I documented the database which is currently in the Subversion trunk — post Beta 9.1 code.

Here are more detailed table descriptions, and have many comments in bold.

1. trackbacks

   Makes sense to me. In libs/trackback.php we can probably change the User Agent on line 88 to pligg instead of meneame (already fixed).

   What I don’t like is all the indexing going on here. I’m not sure if the indexing is justified. A lot of the indexes do have searches that utilize them, though.

   Also, phpMyAdmin is telling me that “UNIQUE and INDEX keys should not both be set for column `trackback_link_id`”

   Suggestion: Fix indexing per phpMyAdmin

2. messages

   Uses kmessaging 3rd party tool. Naming conventions are different, but it’s fine since we’re just using kmessaging’s setup.

   Pligg was not originally written by English-speaking natives, nor was kmessaging, so watch out for functions spelled “messege” instead of “message”.

   Note that I’ve linked sender and receiver to the user_id table, but this is not a true link in the database sense. sender and receiver get entered into the messages table in a roundabout way, not through one MySQL call. But the link still exists because the code is checking that the user_id exists in the users table (do a search for the SendMessege function and you’ll see where it gets called… the /modules/messaging/ section).

3. config

   Looks fine, but do we really need an INT type for var_id ? I’m doubting there will ever be 2 billion config options. SMALLINT would be fine (-32768 to 32768, or SMALLINT UNSIGNED 0 to 65535)

   Suggestion: Change var_id to SMALLINT

4. categories

   category_safe_name takes out spaces and other potentially dangerous stuff.

   I was originally confused as to where categories get inserted. I see the insert call in admin_categories.php line 81, but this makes no sense to me:
   

   $sql = “insert into `” . table_categories . “` (`category_name`) VALUES (’new category’);”;

   However, this is seen in dbtree.php

5. comments

   Pretty straight-forward table. I’m not sure what comment_nick is for. It looks like it’s never used.

   Not sure what comment_karma is for either. It’d be nice to understand the karma system better.

   Also, I really don’t think comment_votes needs to be an int. I don’t see anyone getting 2 billion votes. Save space because there might be a lot of comments out there, make it a smallint.

   Suggestions:
   a. Remove comment_nick
   b. Change comment_votes to smallint

6. formulas

   New in post-Pligg 9.1 svn code. It looks like there’s going to be a new formulas module that you can put your own formulas into.

7. friends

   Simply keep track of the friend_to and friend_from in the same row. Not sure why this needs to be a display width of 20 though.

8. links

   Every link goes in here. Points to the author (the user_id from users), status, number of votes, and a whole ton of indexing which makes sense.

   Note that the link_votes will contain number of votes, but more specific vote data will be kept in the votes table.

   There is an index on link_url, link_url_title, link_title, link_content, and link_tags. I don’t see the reasoning behind that.

   Suggestions: Consider removing the index on link_url, link_url_title, link_title, link_content, and link_tags

9. modules

   A stand-alone table to keep track of your modules. See modules/modules_manage.php — it does an INSERT when you install, and an UPDATE when you disable or enable a module.

10. pageviews

    This table is going to get a ton of traffic.

    pv_id is an unsigned int.
    pv_type seems to be either story or profile. Maybe some other stuff. Since this is a varchar, this is going to be horribly wasteful. Why not an enum for this column?
    pv_page_id is either the user_id of the user if you’re looking at someone’s profile, or it’s the link_id if you’re looking at a story. Used by out.php, story.php, and user.php
    pv_user_id is the id of the user who’s looking at this.

    This is great data, but I’m concerned. Every time someone clicks on anything, a varchar(20) is created.

    Suggestion: Use enum instead of VARCHAR(20) for pv_type

11. saved_links

    Apparently, somewhere you’re able to save links for yourself. Looks like a type of bookmarking thing. Odd thing is, I can’t find where you actually do this in the site. The code is real basic though — if you add one of these “bookmarks”, user_add_remove_links.php will do it for you. Maybe it’s disabled on my site.

12. tags

    editlink.php calls tags_insert_string, which inserts a tag into this table for each tag you put in. tag_link_id then points to the links table.

    In editlink.php, tags_insert_string calls and puts the global $dblang into the tag_lang column. So it just takes on whatever language your site is. I don’t know if this is necessary. I also don’t see why we have an index on tag_lang and tag_date.

    Note that this table is a bit different, in that tag_link_id isn’t really a unique primary key on its own. You can have multiple tags with one link_id. Thus, there can and will be multiple tag_link_id of the same integer.

13. totals

    This table simply keeps track of the number of published stories and unpublished stories. See libs/html1.php — line 630 has the function totals_regenerate and totals_adjust_count that should help you see what it’s doing. These functions get called primarily by link.php

14. users

    The users and links tables are the heart of it all. Everything references this table, and it’s clear to understand.

    I have some concerns:
    a. It gets called so often, and we’re using int(20). Is anyone expecting 2 billion users? Why a display width of 20? An unsigned mediumint will give you 16 million users and save you a byte every time, which could add up.

    b. We are using varchar(20) for IP addresses. That is wasteful.

    c. This table is huge. It gets referenced very often. Personally, I prefer to split it into two tables, users and userprofiles, so that we don’t call this massive thing all the time. However, as long as the SQL calls only call what we need, and we’re indexing the right stuff, we should be fine with this.

    d. We can probably get rid of user_lang and any code associated to it since we killed the languages table.

    Suggestions:
    a. use MEDIUMINT instead of INT(20)
    b. For IP addresses, I recommend using INT UNSIGNED, and then storing it with the INET_ATON() and INET_NTOA functions.
    c. Remove user_lang column

15. votes

    Anytime a vote is made, data goes in here, linking the date (vote_date), the link (vote_link_id), and the user (vote_user_id). vote_type is either ‘links’ or ‘comments’.

    Suggestions:
    a. Personally, I think that we’re creating extra overhead with vote_type. The index on vote_type, vote_link_id, vote_user_id, and vote_ip is going to get enormous.

    Why not have a separate table for vote_comments and vote_links?

    b. Another case of vote_ip = varchar(64). I again recommend INT UNSIGNED like in the users table.

Overall, this isn’t that complicated, and it works well. Let me know what you think of my suggestions, I’ve only designed one large website database on my own.

Next, I will investigate whether using InnoDB with Foreign Key constraints is a good idea rather than MyISAM, which is the current Pligg default.

I am now ready to start hacking away with some modules!

…and this is what I do in my spare time while you are watching too much TV.

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