06.14.07

The 2008 Cleveland Prophecy

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Rants, Sports at 11:07 pm

On this fateful, yet somewhat expected night, I have decided to make public something that I have been preaching to close friends for the past couple of years. A prediction so unbelievably earth-shattering that it must be documented immediately, thus leaving out any question of its founding. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you The 2008 Cleveland Prophecy: All three major Cleveland sports teams will win their respective championships within the same year.

If you don’t want to get depressed, skip down to the prophecy section.

We have all seen the disastrous meltdowns that have ripped the hearts from Cleveland sports fans and bashed them to a pulp on the cold, rusted ground. While I was taught by my mother at a very young age that the Curse of Rocky Colavito was the beginning of the longest stretch of humiliation and despair professional sports would ever bring to one city, it actually started before that. Meet the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, the team that somehow found a way to go 20-134 — only 84 games behind first place. Over half a century later, during the 1954 World Series, Willie Mays made The Catch, which stunned Cleveland fans during a time of great prosperity.

Despite winning the 1964 NFL Championship, which would be the last glimmer of hope for decades to come, the Curse of Rocky Colavito was finally in full effect. Were I to travel back in time to this point, my only comment would be “it only gets worse from here”. But I’d be wrong, because it only gets a lot worse.

Not a whole lot of winning occurred until Ten Cent Beer Night in 1974, in which the Indians mounted a comeback against the Texas Rangers, yet had to forfeit the game due to the uncontrollable debauchery that typically ensues after spending $2.00 to drink 20 Budweisers. Back to losing we go…

In January of 1981, Red Right 88 put Oakland in the Super Bowl and the Browns in the dumpster.

But then there’s our favorite — The Drive. John Elway’s 98-yard comeback during the 1986 AFC Championship (January 1987) guaranteed us that we were on to something special – losing was in our blood at this point, and it would not be cleaned anytime soon. This day, however, is special to me because it is my first memory as a Cleveland Browns fan. I remember the mayhem that occurred at my neighbors home across the street from us. The women – one trashy next-door-neighbor, in particular – were going absolutely ape-shit. Me and the other 5-year olds who didn’t understand what was going on feared for our lives. What do you do when the people who have been protecting you all your life are no longer in control? Who will protect the protectors? This nuclear meltdown is forever scarred in my memory, and it has helped make me the Cleveland sports fan that I am now.

It only took another year for more of the same. In January of 1988, The Fumble went down, where Bernie Kosar’s four 2nd-half touchdowns would be negated by Earnest Byner’s fumble on the Denver 3-yard-line. 1987 stabbed you in the heart, 1988 twisted the blade.

We weren’t beat down enough, so Michael Jordan decided to join the party. 16 months after The Fumble, MJ nailed The Shot over poor Craig Ehlo, which I’m sure you’ve seen on hundreds of Gatorade commercials.

Next up – Art Modell and Al Lerner tear the soul from the city and move the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore, who of course go on to win the Super Bowl. I will not debate who is at fault for this move, as far as I’m concerned, everyone is, but it goes without saying that 1996-1998 sucked in Cleveland…

…especially on that fateful World Series Game 7 in 1997. Unbelievable.

In between all of these time gaps, every other Cleveland team is losing their asses off. That is, until 2007, when the Cleveland Cavs bring championship basketball back to the Heart of Rock and Roll, but lose to a superior San Antonio Spurs.

So this brings me back to the 2008 Cleveland Prophecy. Things began looking up a few years back – Lebron James on the Cavs. Hafner, Sabathia, and Sizemore on the Indians. Phil Savage to return the Browns back to glory. And slowly, the pieces are truly coming together.

The Cavs need just one or two more skilled players for Lebron to play along with, as well as the hopeful development of Daniel Gibson. GM Danny Ferry has ONE offseason to get it together – the Cavs will have to be the first to win in 2008.

The Indians are on the right track, but relief pitching needs to be addressed. Will owner Larry Dolan open his little checkbook and get someone? If so, 2008 is ours. Hell, we don’t look so bad in 2007!

And then there’s the Browns. The disgrace of modern Cleveland sports. With a great 2007 draft, we are out of excuses. For the first time I can ever remember, we are going to have an offensive line. The defense might actually be good if the offense can get a first down every now and then. And best of all, the NFL has the most parity of any pro sports league. Losers not unlike us can become winners quite quickly in the NFL, and we have 2 seasons to somehow find a way to do it.

It’s not about Lebron versus the San Antonio Spurs, the Indians vs. the Yankees, or even the Browns vs. the Steelers. It’s about Lebron, the Indians, and the Browns vs. the perennial Cleveland Collapse. And in 2008, I prophecize that we will defeat our own demons in one awe-inspiring year of chaos and destruction. And the world will end shortly thereafter.

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06.06.07

Concert Review - Clutch at the Roxy Theatre, Hollywood CA - 05/24/07

Posted in Music Reviews at 4:46 pm

Some bands never cease to amaze me, and Clutch is one of them. I will be honest and say that during their May 24th concert at the Roxy Theatre in Hollywood, CA, I was actually disappointed with the performance. Something wasn’t right. Neil Fallon did not seem to have the energy that he had when he came to Austin last year and tore Emo’s down. It is only after the concert when I learned new respect for the band. I was told that lead singer Neil Fallon had strep throat earlier on tour, and had to cancel a few shows before this one.

Now here’s what gets me: Even with a sick Fallon, Clutch still blows nearly every other band in the world off the stage. It is apparent that they have been playing together forever, and when one man goes down, the rest pick up the slack. I should never need to be reminded again how great of a drummer Jean-Paul Gaster is. It was also a pleasure to see Eric Oblander of Five Horse Johnson on stage with the harmonica as well. While Fallon sounded great, he still needed longer breaks, and these guys plugged the holes effortlessly. I’m proud to be a fan of Clutch - we waited for them to come, and they showed up when other bands would have canceled the entire rest of the tour. Not Clutch.

Due to the illness/recovery, the setlist was abbreviated. In true Clutch style, I will simply copy it off of the actual setlist:

1. Promoter
2. Never be Moved
3. Progress
4. Player
5. Animal Farm
6. Slow Hole
7. Regulator
8. King of Az
9. Mice and Gods
10. Devil and Me
11. Gotro
12. Big 1
13. PRF
14. W. Ferry
15. Cypress
16. E.Worry

The Roxy Theatre was a nice venue, I enjoyed the low stage and vibes of the room, and the sound quality was above average. As far as the crowd goes, everyone I spoke with was from the Midwest or East Coast. Clutch isn’t your typical Los Angeles style of music, and I sometimes wonder if this band should even go anywhere west of Central Standard Time. These people out here just don’t get the working-class mentality of a band like Clutch, which could explain why the show didn’t sell out.

And since you all enjoy rants on opening bands, let me tell you that you will get none complaining about Year Long Disaster. These guys were quite a talented, technical three-piece, and I’d love to see them open again.

So if you were at this show and wanted to hear more old stuff - come back next time. Neil will be healthy, the setlist will be longer and with an encore, and they’ll play a bit of everything. But with Clutch, we’ll take whatever we can get, and odds are, it’ll still be one of the best shows you’ve ever seen.

For a full photo album of this show, click here. You can also check out Clutch’s latest album, From Beale Street to Oblivion, here

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06.05.07

Why I Hope Hillary Clinton Runs For President

Posted in Current Events at 11:51 pm

As of right now, it’s looking rather promising that good ol’ Hillary Clinton may indeed be the Democratic Party’s 2008 Presidential candidate. Guess what - I am actually pulling for her to win the Democratic primaries. Those of you who know me best must be wondering what is going through my head, as I agree with almost nothing this socialist woman says. And that is still a true statement.

However, more than politics, I am a fan of chaos and disorder. It is actually inscribed on my personal emblem, shown to the side. Just imagine the chaos that would ensue if this woman ran for President. This country would be turned absolutely upside down, and that would be a riot to watch. Blogs would be bursting with fantastically incredulous write-ups. Political debates would actually feature some (but not much more than the John Kerry era) estrogen. Rednecks and businessmen alike would be up in arms. And Fox News would nearly implode.

And while I continue to support Texas Congressman Ron Paul for President, I would sit on the sidelines saying, “This is good for our country. We needed to get our rotten eggs scrambled up a little bit”.

And those rotten eggs smell good.

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06.03.07

Hostel Review: Cuesta Arriba in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica

Posted in Travels at 9:50 pm

Sometimes you find the greatest places by accident. Billy and I were at the last leg of our Costa Rica trip, and decided to go to the surf town of Santa Teresa and maybe Mal País. The place recommended by Lonely Planet looked like a disaster area, so we hit the streets. A bunch of people coming from the beach were walking further down the main street, so we decided to follow. We arrived at the Cuesta Arriba Hostel and were immediately pleased with what we saw.

Located 100 meters¹ from the beach of Santa Teresa, Cuesta Arriba offers rooms at $10/day during the low season, and $12/day during the high season. It is 300 meters from the rest of town, making it a nice, quiet getaway. The hostel is owned and run by Barbara and Martin, two wonderful people who do an incredible of job of making you feel more at home than anywhere else in the country. Barbara is Argentinian and speaks English and Spanish fluently, and probably a few other languages as well.

Each room holds 6 people. However, since it was the low season and we already had 4 people (the stunning Angela and Jenny), Billy negotiated that we get an entire room to ourselves. This may or may not work for you depending on how crowded it is. The rooms have their own showers and strong fans. Santa Teresa just recently got city water, and it is not in the highest supply, so conserve water well!

Each morning, Martin and the dog get up very early to set out bread, jellies, toasters, and coffee for everyone. There is a refrigerator where you can also store your own food if you like. Above this main kitchen area is a TV room with DirectTV. This is the perfect spot to lounge around after a killer surf session.

Staying in at the hostel at night is a great choice too. While you can wander around town, we had a better night at Cuesta Arriba — we bought a few sixpacks of Pilsen², the girls cooked dinner, and we played some Monopoly, which Barbara and Martin supplied. It’s a great place to hang out and catch up with the other kids staying there for the day, which included the beautiful Czech girl who never emailed me her pictures.

I give Hostel Cuesta Arriba my highest recommendation. What impressed me most was Barbara and Martin’s business sense. They are total masters of the upsell. Want them to do your laundry? $4.00. Rent a surfboard for a day? $10.00. Need a beer from the fridge? They got that too. It’s all cheap, but it all adds up to great profits for them. One thing Billy points out is that Costa Ricans are not exactly the best business people – leaving the window wide open for people like Barbara and Martin to make a killing just by pleasing the customer with so many add-on services and clean facilities.

As for the rest of Santa Teresa, it was amazing. The surfing was unbelievable, although it was too advanced for Billy and I, we had tons of fun riding the whitewater. Surfing with no wetsuit is both a liberating and painful experience (surf wax + chest hair… I’m still recovering). Thanks to Angela, we got some absolutely beautiful shots, like the one below.

One of the coolest things in Costa Rica is that the beach front land is undeveloped. So when you’re out in the water looking in, you see shots like this, not a bunch of ugly houses. Although we weren’t there during the high season, there is still so much room for surfing that you shouldn’t have to fight people for waves. They are consistent and go on forever.

This will probably be my last writing about the actual Costa Rica trip. I could write forever because it was such a great vacation, but we have many other things to discuss with you here. I’d like to thank you all for reading, and most of all, thanks to Billy for taking me on such a rockin trip!!

¹ In Costa Rica, distances to everything are measured in meters by the hundreds. You are not “one block” from the beach. You are 100m from the beach. As with anything else a Costa Rican tells you, your mileage may vary.
² You might want to stay away from the 6.0% Pilsen if you know what’s good for your digestive system

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