01.08.09

Good Riddance to James Laurinaitis and the 2008 Ohio State Senior Class

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Rants, Sports at 12:16 am

This post is a follow-up to last year’s article, James Laurinaitis: Ohio State’s Most Overrated Linebacker Ever.

This post has three main messages:

The first message is one giant middle finger to every brainwashed, spiral-eyed zombie Ohio State fan who sent me hate mail regarding the aforementioned post. I was right and you were wrong. James Laurinaitis is not only overrated, but he sucked in every big game he played for us, including this week’s Fiesta Bowl disappointment. I may have seen him make about two impact plays since I wrote that, and one of them was during a Michigan State rout.

The Fiesta Bowl was over the second Texas figured that they could simply pass it over the middle a few yards over #33′s head time and time again. He was absolutely lost in coverage, and got schooled by Colt McCoy his thousand-yard passing entourage. I won’t bother posting pictures or videos, someone else can go prove me right. I’m sure whoever does it will find a few good pics where JL is jumping on piles after the whistle and is somehow upside-down too, for good measure. That is, when he’s not standing around like an idiot with his thumb up his ass during passing plays.

My second message is good riddance to the 2008 Ohio State football senior class. You have continually let us down, you never played with ANY heart, and you have diminished the respect of this University (note to spiral-eyed zombie Ohioans – I’ve lived in Texas and CA. We have zero respect and I’m getting sick of defending my degree.)

I should have known there’d be four years of disappointment from these clowns when I saw punter AJ Trapasso starting fights at a local campus bar before he even enrolled into the school. Or when perpetual-disappointment Alex Boone got a DUI and hasn’t made a block since. I’ve never seen an offensive line so out of shape as they were in the second-half of the Fiesta Bowl. I’ll lump Malcolm Jenkins in on the blame too – you all go down together – Jenkins perhaps you should have stepped up as a leader after #33 failed us the first 3 big games?

My third message is that I refuse to enter the Shoe until some major changes are made. I’m not supporting this bullshit. Fire Bollman and every other lopsided Tressel cronie, get an offensive coordinator who knows how to call plays, and find someone who knows what to do with Terrelle Pryor, who is possibly the best player in college football for the next three years unless you continue to waste him. Until then, I’ll fly to Columbus, wear my OSU shirt, hang with friends, and laugh at the morons who pay $800 to watch a truly elite team like USC obliterate us.

I’d rather go 8-4 and show some heart than beat up on the pathetic Big Ten and leave nothing on the table against real teams. Good fucking riddance.

GO BUCKS 2009.

PS – To the thousands of people who found my blog by searching for James Laurinaitis’s girlfriend – GET A LIFE.

Permalink 7 Comments

04.18.08

Cheers to My Personal Hero, C. Reeve

Posted in Fitness, HUMILIATIONS, Travels at 8:01 pm

Those of you who followed me during the MS150 know how I excited I was on “the hunt”. Immediately after I finished the ride, I pulled my cell phone out of my bag and messaged Eric to see if he finished yet (he had not).

In the process, my ID and the $23 wrapped around it must have slipped out, because it was gone after that. I realized this later, and had to get to the airport early to board the flight and get searched.

So guess what I got in the mail today:

A letter from C. REEVE (let’s call him ‘Christopher’, for the obvious reasons) of Bridges Fairway in Houston:

FOUND THIS DL. ON THE STREETS OF AUSTIN, 4-13-08

with my ID enclosed. How amazing is that?! ‘Christopher’, you’re my new hero! As much as I love this part of California, Texas is the only place where I see such friendly people. Awesome!

So it’s time for a new poll. How do I re-pay Christopher?

 Loading ...

Your comments are appreciated and welcome!

THANKS CHRISTOPHER!

(PS – It’s been far too long for me. We gotta file this one under HUMILIATIONS. Coming soon – my technological review of the tracker app, along with a write-up on the cycling culture I witnessed)

Permalink 5 Comments

01.08.08

Despite Making it to the Top, We Have Hit Rock Bottom

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Sports at 8:44 pm

I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t been said everywhere else. I just thought I’d etch in stone one of the coolest quotes I’ve ever come up with:

Despite making it to the top, we have hit rock bottom

Permalink Comments

01.07.08

Results of the OSU 2007 National Championship Cleveland Watch List

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Sports at 10:15 pm

This is a follow-up to this article

I forgot to mention that Jim Tressel is from Cleveland.

Permalink 2 Comments

10.21.07

Guest Writer Galante: The OODD Antipodean

Posted in Guest Writers, HUMILIATIONS at 1:27 pm

While I am not a spiritual person, I sometimes believe in a universal system of karma. After all, when you win, there has to be at least one loser. And when you win big, there has to be a big loser.

So after last weekend’s OODD (Ohio Obliteration Domination Day), it only made sense that there was someone out there on the receiving end of all the punishment that Ohio handed out.

That somebody’s name is Galante. He is a Vanderbilt alum who roots for LSU when he wants to cheer for a real team. A Chicago Bears fan who never lived in Chicago (or even in the Midwest). And one lousy defensive flag football player. This is what he sent after getting his hat handed to him all weekend long. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Galante, the OODD Antipodean, the man who got what he deserved:

Ok so that was perhaps one of the worst football weekends of my life. Anybody that thinks their weekend was even remotely as bad, read the below and then try to talk to me. No, I’m not bitter or anything… (long email to follow – but I bet you will laugh thinking of me that pissed off)

Let’s start off Saturday. LSU (my second team behind Vandy) keeps letting Kentucky back into the game, can’t put them away, the refs sucked [Kentucky's] ass for lack of a better phrase, and the deserved number 1 team in the nation goes down. And don’t anybody give me some crap about how Ohio State is the true number 1 in the land (South Florida is more deserving then they are). The Big Ten is nowhere near the level of the SEC! Why do you think LSU only dropped to number 5?

Then, Vanderbilt has Georgia on the ropes at home for homecoming (yeah, one of these days our athletic leaders will learn to schedule a frickin winnable homecoming game), 17-17, driving late in the 4th quarter. Literally (no joke), right as I call my Vandy alum brother to see if he is watching the game on ESPN2, Vandy runs to the Georgia 7 yd line and fumbles the football with 2 min to go. The end result, surprise surprise, Vandy lets Georgia go right down the field and kick a chip shot FG as time expires to win. Georgia in their classy ways then proceeded to celebrate on the Vandy star and move up in the Top 25 of all things. I’da taken off my mascot helmet and bitch slapped some of those UGA players with it. Needless to say, I hung up the phone on my brother as soon as we fumbled. Besides, he hadn’t answered yet anyway.

Then, that’s right, not done yet, now we go to Sunday, I’m sure Papa Bear George Halas was rolling over in his grave after watching Adrian Peterson basically sexually assault our defense. Yeah, we came back (or should I say Devin Hester did), only for him to kick us in the groin again on the ensuing kickoff return to setup a game winning FG. Somewhere, Courtney (the Viking ex-GF) is laughing at me… And how the hell did I end up in a bar a block from my home that happened to be infested with possibly ALL of the obnoxious Viking and Packer fans living in SoCal. I wish I had a taser at the time (to subdue myself first so I didn’t have to listen to those punks). Oh yeah, Green Bay won too (bite me Favre) and the Patriots took out the Cowboys. Great Sunday (if you’re bent over in a shower in prison!).

Then Sunday wasn’t over. I played a flag football doubleheader with a pulled quad that is nicely colored yellow and purple right now (at least they’re decent team colors) and a bum heel. My team got swept, and I of course got burned twice for TD’s by a lanky, gimpy dude because I couldn’t seem to grab a flag to save my life and because this white boy (yours truly that is) couldn’t jump to knock a ball out of an in stride 6 ft 6 slow white boy. Great weekend indeed… How was everyone else’s weekend?

… thank you Galante! And to answer your final question… it was a lot better than yours! GO INDIANS, else my weekend might be worse than his!

Permalink Comments