01.10.07

HUMILIATION

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Travels at 11:20 pm

On Sunday, my friend Joe and I drove from LA to Phoenix, for the National Championship. After dropping Joe off, I picked up Jeremy and Allison at the airport. Kirby came a couple of hours later, and it was great seeing everyone.

Our late-weekend beatdown began quite quickly as we tried to go out in Glendale, only to get turned around due to the bars closing at midnight. All of the good events were far off in Scottsdale, so we just turned in and drank at the hotel and caught up.

Gameday was fun, despite being on a Monday. We went to a tailgate quickly, and saw that the ticket market was unreasonably expensive ($1300 for a ticket? No thanks..) so Jer and I gave up that idea real quickly and decided to get sloshed all day long. We succeeded.

We arrived at the big party in their shopping center, and began the Budweiser onslaught. Good times were had, it was a bit too loud and a bit too crowded. Allison headed out to get her Florida student ticket, but we kept drinking.

It was my first time seeing Josh and Gina for a long time, so it was great partying with them. We also bumped into Kate, Marisa, D. Smith, Silverman, and lil Steph, which was cool.

The game was as horrible for me as it was for you. It’s almost funny how unprepared and humiliated Tressel had this team. I don’t need to write any more about it… every one else has said it all.

After that, we were pretty chill, had some more drinks, and now I’m in the car with Joe on the way back home.

All props to Florida’s team and Urban Meyer. But I gotta tell you, Florida fans have to be the lamest bunch of ducks I’ve ever seen. I’m glad there weren’t any problems though, it seems that things were rather peaceful. Now this isn’t sour grapes, I give their team respect, but the lameness was just unbelievable:

The Florida cheers are retarded. “Orange!… Blue!…. Orange!… Blue!”. Real creative — and that is one of the better ones. That Florida chomp looks ridiculous. The clothing, the hairstyles, the constant references to gator bait. You have got to be kidding me. I know I’m not the most stylish person (nor is Ohio State in general.. we have plenty of issues too) but please shoot a hole in my head if you ever see me wearing a pair of khakis that have little team logos embroidered all over them. Or if I grow Donald Trump hair, which I saw on at least 3 guys. Or if I pop my collar. Are you people serious?

Anyway, it was a fun weekend, but could have obviously been better. Good seeing everyone, we’ll need to figure out what games in 07 we’ll get together for! I’ll have pics up later.

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11.16.06

Forgive Me Buckeyes, For I Have Sinned

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Sports at 12:29 pm

… or more realistically, my parents have sinned.

A few weeks ago, my mom was rummaging through some old stuff, where she happened upon an article from the News Herald. It was an article about volunteering, with my picture alongside childhood best friend Jason Chamlee and Andy Swentik.

And there it is. Fifth grader Mike Roberto, wearing a goddamned MICHIGAN shirt!

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw this! How could I wear such filth? How could my parents allow me to leave the house with that? How was that allowed in our home? What a tasteless obscenity!

So for this Michigan week, I’d like to apologize to my Buckeye brethren out there. Please forgive me.

The unveiling of this skeleton in my closet has been a serious blow to my self-worth, but I hope I can overcome it with a sizable victory over that school up north this weekend, and a trip to the National Championship game!

Miserably humiliated,
berto

OHIO STATE: 34
MICHIGAN: 21

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11.14.06

Weekend Review: Newquist Farm Party and Chicago

Posted in HUMILIATIONS, Travels at 12:59 pm

This past weekend I traveled to Chicago to visit all of my friends from school and go to the Ohio State vs. Northwestern game. After all flights into O’Hare were canceled due to wind and storms, I was sent home until my flight at 6am Saturday.

Life gave me lemons, so I made lemonade and went to Jason Newquist’s final farm party before he departs for his trip around the world. A great time was had by all, Brian Platt and I won some beer pong, and I got to wish farewell to my buddy Nuke. A future blog post will be created for him.

I made it home at 2am, and was up and flying and in Chicago before 10am. Jeremy, Mark, Brooke, and I all headed to Mickey’s and boarded one of their school bus shuttles to the tailgate.

After the bus driver got us completely lost in Evanston, all of the beer and energy drinks I consumed caught up with me and I could no longer hold myself. I had to seriously urinate worse than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I had two choices: get off of the bus and find way to the game, or do the unthinkable.

Those of you that know me best know exactly what I did — I huddled up in the corner of my seat, took a 24 oz cup out, and pissed in it while 40 guys and girls all watched and mocked me.

Not only did I go in that rather large cup… I completely filled it up! I had to cut off my stream and safely dump the contents out the window in an approved area. I still had to finish, but after all of the cheers from the guys and ‘ewwws’ from the gals, I decided to hold off on the rest until we made it to the tailgate.

The tailgate party was fun, plenty of booze, music, and drinking games. I’ll hopefully get some pictures up.

The game was a blowout, but our seats were horrible. We were with Kirby and his girlfriend Morgan, Gingo and his fiance Lindsay, Jon, Juan, Lauren, Matt, and the rest of their crew. Jeremy and I left a bit early and headed back to the tailgate, where we drank some more, danced, and eventually left.

We returned to Mickey’s for more beer and had dinner, and finally got a cab back to Jer’s place. We started watching the Texas vs. K-State game (wow), and Jeremy, Mark, and I all passed out at 10:30pm. We woke up at the convenient time of 2:30am, hangover already in progress, and our night was done for. How humiliating!

Nothing too insane happened, but it’s always a great time up in the frozen city of Chicago.

This weekend’s Shameless Award goes to Wags.

And for those of you who asked how I cut off the stream with no pain: I have very capable muscles :)

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