11.22.07

Looks Like I’m Growing My Hair Out

Posted in Life, The Universe, and Everything at 7:51 am

This is a response to this previous blog post.

Happy Thanksgiving, don’t eat too much today you gluttons.

Today I am thankful for the supportive cast that I have around me, both here in Los Angeles, and my friends and family via the phone, internet, and airports. In some aspects, I’m still a worthless child and need help doing things like getting new towels and deciding what to do with my hair.

If anyone in Los Angeles has a good hairstylist that doesn’t charge a million dollars, send them on. I am going to need help with my mullet.

And we’ll now get back to regular blog postings. I’m getting excited for the Top 15 Albums of 2007! (Top Albums of 2006 is here)

Permalink Comments

11.19.07

Poll: What Should I Do With My Hair?

Posted in Life, The Universe, and Everything at 5:45 pm

There is a poll at the bottom of this post. Please vote!

So I was driving around a few weeks ago when I realized that I’m bored with my hair. I’ve essentially had the same curvy/wavy style for over six years. Sometimes it was longer, and sometimes it was shorter, but basically always the same. I’m the kind of guy who gets comfortable with something, and the next thing you know, it’s the end of 2007 and you can’t find your car keys as often as you used to.

The last time I had a major hair change was 6.5 years ago, my freshman year of college. I buzzed my head, and then let it grow back out. The picture is to the right, click on it for the full-size. Nice socks and sandals too.

My hair currently looks something like the picture to the left, which is a pic with my brother’s friend Steve while I was up in Portland (yes, I’m intoxicated there).

I couldn’t find too many good pics with long hair. I essentially grow a fro and need a ton of pomade or gel to make it manageable. One slightly longer-haired pic below with yet another Steve, this one from Austin. Also intoxicated.

I’ve placed a poll at the bottom of this post. What should I do with my hair?

1. Buzz it.
   Pros:
   Something different, might look interesting with my facial hair (which is being kept), less hassle, I just want to.
   Cons:
   My nose is huge, only black guys look good with short/no hair, and Mom doesn’t want me to do it (this could also be a pro, since I never liked authority telling me what to do anyway). I’m also starting to thin a bit, so maybe I shouldn’t waste any glory years with no hair because it won’t be here forever.
2. Keep it
   Pros:
   I can’t really complain about how good life has been these past 6.5 years. Why change?
   Cons:
   *Yawn*
3. Grow it longer
   Pros:
   See above notes about balding situation. Girls like my hair long.
   Cons:
   It’ll be an afro. Hair around my ears drives me nuts. And there’s plenty of chumps in California with too much hair on their heads and I’d rather not be another one of them. Sorry Jordan!

Obviously, my vote is to buzz it. But I want you to vote and I’ll go with whatever wins by Wednesday night at midnight. Please leave comments, and no, I’m not currently going to dye it or bleach it due to working in the corporate world.

 Loading ...

Thanks!

Permalink 11 Comments

10.02.07

The Sunset Has Come

Posted in Life, The Universe, and Everything at 6:18 pm

October is a good month to be living in the BeagleJoeBerto Pad. Tourist season is over, it’s football season, and the rotation of the earth has put the sunset right in our path to glory.

Permalink 1 Comment

09.20.07

Guest Writer - Dan Donatelli: Milk Nipple Envy

Posted in Guest Writers, Life, The Universe, and Everything at 4:57 pm

Hello legion of readers - Today I’m going to hand things over to my friend Dan Donatelli, owner of Gone Fiction and writer of his infamous annual magazine, Green Genes. Please join me in thanking Dan for his insightful prose. I now present his latest piece, Milk Nipple Envy:

Hello Berto’s Bloggerheads! This is Berto-friend Dan Donatelli coming at you today with a Berto-sanctioned guest blog article on everyone’s favorite subjects: nipples and milk!

You see, I was higher than God’s balls the other day, eating box after box of cereal — as is my wont! — and staring at a gallon of milk when I started thinking about women: how they gripe, how they have nipples!

Now, I’m a man. I drive fast; I chew dirt; I wear leather boxers; I use semicolons with approximate accuracy. And, of course, I drink milk straight outta the jug! And like all men, when I generously suckle a sweet sip of the white goodness, I am relentlessly under attack by all of Womankind who remind me time and again that they find my milk-drainage practices boorish, disgusting and devolved.

I just happened to be chuggin’ from the jug when it occurred to me — me being the person who was thinking at the time (please try to keep up) — that maybe women’s unbridled obsession with keeping men from drinking milk straight from the bottle goes beyond civility and manners. I think their revulsion goes all the way down to…
Biological Jealousy.

You’ve heard of Penis Envy? Meet Milk Nipple Envy. (Name subject to change.)

For millions of years, women had a monopoly on the milk racket. Their “jugs” — or as I call them “Lactose Palaces” or “Tits” — had the market cornered, and if men or babies needed a sweet teet treat, they and their precious nipples were the place to go.

Because of that, when they see a pair of human lips puckering up for a delicious swig of ice-cold milk — the dessert of beverages, the ambrosia of bone density — they and their breasts feel useless and old fashioned. They feel vulnerable. They feel unwanted. In short, they feel like women.

And now women have competition everywhere — from cow’s milk to goat’s milk to soy and rice milk. (Imagine that — a grain of rice or splotch of soy with udders!) So what do women do? They do everything they womanly can. They staunchy stop men from enjoying a mighty mouthful of milk by griping away until he pours the milk into a non-threatening, non-nipple-looking cask.

So what’s the moral here? What’s the lesson?

I don’t know.

I suppose it’s just another reason for me to hate women.

Tune in next week, when I will dissect the cultural and pharmacological differences between Nick Nolte and Gary Busey.

Dan’s work, including his latest Comedy Sketches, can be found at GoneFiction.com. Thanks Dan!

Permalink 2 Comments

07.24.07

Where in the Hell has MikeRoberto.com Been?

Posted in Life, The Universe, and Everything at 8:39 pm

Moving closer to the beach, that’s where! Those of you know me well know that I was not too happy with my roommate situation, but my lease was just 6 months anyway. Seeing that I found my roommates on Craigslist, and I live in an area seething with egregious sin, it could have been a lot worse.

It all started when I got “evicted”. I already knew that this news was coming, so I began looking for places to live. My friend Joseph (from Volleyball) had been wanting to move, so we decided to start looking around Hermosa Beach together.

Having been told that the best way to find cool places is to simply drive around and scope out the FOR RENT signs, we took to the streets. After viewing some places, we stumbled upon an absolute gem! Two bedroom, two bathroom, ocean view! It’s on Hermosa Ave., which is essentially one block from the beach. We wanted to live here, and that was that. Knowing that we’d lose the place if we didn’t act fast, we paid the deposit a day later and it was ours for a year.

Upon meeting the neighbors, we found out that we found this place just hours after the owner put the sign up. You have to act that fast to get something here. This was a typical case of Mike Roberto Dumb Luck. With some good old-fashioned homework and a dose of hard work, things just seem to go my way sometimes. But trust me, we’re paying more than your average person in the South Bay. But not too much more, since it’s only $100 higher than what I wanted to pay in the first place.

The complex has a decent roof area too, but we typically just hang out in the apartment. To the right, you can see my bedroom/second office, which I use when I’m not sitting on the patio! Not too bad, but sometimes it’s tough to get work done when the water is deep blue!

This apartment is a block away from where we play volleyball, which has also been keeping me busy. All in all, I live in a place that 99% of the rest of the country would consider their vacation. And I understand this, and I know that these great times probably won’t last forever. What comes up will eventually come down. But I’m sure as hell going to enjoy the good life out here while it lasts.

So thanks for having me back. I’ll get back to my rants and have some interesting travels ahead. Stay tuned!

Permalink 4 Comments