This mission is paramount because the Space Shuttle program is being decommissioned and we’re going to have to rely on Russian Soyuz rockets to get astronauts and cargo to the ISS. America needs to act fast, and SpaceX is stepping up to the plate and has recently hit three home runs.

SpaceX's Falcon 9 Takes Off

SpaceX performed this feat with just a FRACTION of the budget and number of failures that other government entities and larger companies have had. They are showing that privatizing works when done right. Put a bunch of geniuses in a room with a solid vision, a fiscal goal to achieve, and an inspirational leader, and this is what you get.

I am very close to many people at SpaceX, as they were one of my primary customers in my old sales job. I am still friends with many of the employees, as they are a great group of guys. I am honest when I tell you that every time I stepped into that building, I was the dumbest person in the room. I can’t say enough good things about them, the missions they’ve accomplished, and how they do so much with so little.

SpaceX is founded by Elon Musk, who was the co-founder of PayPal and also runs Tesla Motors.

What the SpaceX Launch Means to Me… and America

Note: This is the way I see things. I follow space, but not so closely that this is how it all went down

Over the past decade, we have had two American government administrations that have done nothing but balloon the size of the government with basically zero productive results. There has been nothing but bureaucratic waste, failure, and endless “wars”.

Our Space Shuttle program has been ailing, as was evident by the 2003 Columbia disaster. Our shuttles are no longer certifiably safe, and they need to be put to noble rest. So Congress commissioned NASA to create the Constellation program, a new human space transport program. Sounds cool, we can keep up with Russia and China, right?

Wrong.

As many expected, NASA shit the bed with Constellation. They were so covered in shit that they were unable to even provide a reasonable estimation for how much the program would even cost!! Talk about flying blind! (Original 2004 NASA estimates were that it’d cost $230 Billion to get to the moon)

So much win.

So I have to credit President Obama for doing his homework and canceling the program. Instead, he decided that it was time to take a “bold new approach to human space flight that embraces commercial industry”, as Constellation was “over budget, behind schedule, and lacking in innovation.”

So he created the COTS program, designating $6 Billion to fund commercial technology companies to get it done. SpaceX and Orbital Sciences won the bids, with behemoths Lockheed Martin and Boeing left licking their wounds.

What you see in the video above is somewhere south of $600 million worth of investment. That is less than the amount of “cost threats” NASA calculated as being risky endeavors for the Constellation program. While this bloated program was busy making mistakes (yet keepin’ them cushy jobs!), SpaceX got busy flying rockets – and making profit.

I know that it’s not so clear cut, and SpaceX still needed a LOT of NASA help to communicate out there, but let me continue.

Okay… But why should I care about any of this?

Dragon Capsule Comes Home

Good question. This country is on a downward spiral, so why are we worried about sending expensive rockets into space?

The first part of the answer is that if the shit hits the fan, we may need manned missions that we can operate. Even with SpaceX, the US still has a gap where we cannot fly manned missions ourselves after Atlantis is decommissioned. We will have no safe shuttle!!!! SpaceX doesn’t think it can officially bring an astronaut to space for 3 more years, which probably means 4.

Sure, we have companies like Lockheed, Boeing, and SpaceX that can bring your satellite into space. But if we need to do spacewalks to fix things, do we really want to rely on the Russians and Chinese? It’s not a good situation if relations go downhill, which isn’t out of the realm of possibility. I for one don’t completely trust anyone but Americans with my precious cargo and communications systems.

The second part of the answer is this: While NASA is less than 1% of our budget, it’s a microcosm for everything that is going wrong with this country.

You can spend billions upon billions of good peoples’ money by pushing paper around, or you can let a bunch of smart people attack the problem with the incentive of that forsaken word, PROFIT.

So my question back to you is, if a company of 1200 employees can accomplish at a fraction of a price what a huge government organization of 18,000+ people cannot do… where else can this country save money and put power back into the hands of the people?

It’s not rocket science, people. Well, except it is, and privatization STILL worked. Why not try it in places where it’s a bit easier than building space ships?

So congrats once again to SpaceX and all of my friends and past associates.

Yesterday was a great day for America and our founding principles.

Elon is 39, and today I turned 29. I have exactly ten years to be as fucking cool as that guy.

Related posts:

1. On Strike With the Writer’s Guild of America
2. Land of the Free, Right?
3. You Can’t Live the American Dream in Europe

We sat at a table with other members of the American Chamber of Commerce in Hong Kong. The typical conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, I’m Mike, good to meet you.
Him: Hi, I’m John. (exchange business cards)
Him: Oh, founder of your company. So what do you do?
Me: I run a network of fitness and nutrition websites that helps users find the best information and lowest prices on different nutritional products. How about you?
Him: I’m a consultant.
Me: (…awkward silence…)
Me: Ummm, doing what?
Him: I’m like a janitor. I clean up problems.
Me: (…awkward silence…)
Me: Oh, ok. Well I’m gonna go over there so that I don’t breathe any of your stale carbon dioxide.

Out of the 8 other people at our table, this was basically the jist of 7 of the conversations. By the end, I quickly recognized the futility and simply started talking about my personal travels and how much I liked Hong Kong, as

1. These people didn’t give a shit about Internet Marketing and had no use for me
2. I didn’t own a sweatshop somewhere in China where they could run a Kaizen event, so I had no use for them, and
3. They wouldn’t know a dumbbell or high-protein meal if it smacked them in the face, so they had no use for my web platform.

This reminded me of the time I went to the “South Bay Internet Entrepreneurs” meetup.com meeting. Some guy gave an INCREDIBLE on-site architectural SEO presentation, and out of the 30 people in attendance, 2 others besides myself actually had a clue. The other 27 were wastes of space who were merely looking for easy “Make Monies Online” schemes.

After complaining about the idiocy that meeting, my friend Larry explained it best: “Because REAL entprepreneurs are busy WORKING, not going to lame meetup.com meetings”.

Lessons learned? Just like you need to focus on a niche (and divide that niche by 1000) in your small business pursuits, you need to stay within your niche when socially networking. Going to general business luncheons like this is where you find generally boring people with no specific passion who are generally clueless.

“If you like ‘all’ music, you like NO music”
– Chuck Klosterman

So I need to start networking better within the fitness/health/nutrition industry. I need to meet personal trainers, dieticians, health counselors, etc.

The reason I haven’t been confident enough to do this yet is because PricePlow is what I consider an absolute wasteland of a website*. It’s on my roadmap to fix it all up in a monstrous project, and even though it’s not there yet, now is the time to plant the seeds in my niche so that I have a better social network ready to go when it’s time to rock.

However, I will attend the Affiliate Summit West. These guys might not all be in the health niche, but they do similar things as I do and use similar tools. I don’t care for 99% of ad networks that will be at this convention… but the party will be awesome and I’m going to learn some new tactics.

Besides that, it’s time to stick with my niche and away from these “consultants”, who I still can’t figure out what in the hell they do anyway.

* It’s never easy for a parent to admit the truth in that that their child is stupid, ugly, and fat… but this is the case so let’s not beat around the bush.

Related posts:

1. You Can’t Live the American Dream in Europe
2. Land of the Free, Right?
3. Two Paths From Here

It sounds counter-intuitive, and small businesses in China definitely have to deal with a lot of hassles and paperwork, but they’re also given a great amount of leeway in terms of how they get to run their operations.

Some great examples of this are in Mike Michelini’s recent blog article titled Maybe I’ve Been in China Too Long. Mike is a businessman who has been bouncing between the US, China, and Phillippines. While I don’t agree with the Healthcare bullet point at all, it’s hard to argue with the other points.

One of the many interesting things I saw in China was a Help Wanted sign at a clothing store that dictated the prospective employee had to be under 5’4″ and 90lbs. Imagine doing that in the States! Every obesity support group in the country would have you in court by the week’s end. God forbid you want someone attractive and healthy modeling your petite line of clothing.

In the US, on the other hand, we have exceedingly aggressive laws and tax codes that have been written by lawyers and CPAs – two regulated industries where you need “certification” in order to enter the industry. This creates a barrier to entry, thus artificially inducing the wage floor. At the same time, since these are the people writing the laws, they write them in such a way that you need to hire one of them to figure it all out – and if you don’t, you’re going to get screwed by someone who does. Land of the free, right?

It’s a vicious circle, and if you’re not one of them, it affects you negatively. Not a day goes by where I don’t respect lawyers less. What am I doing about it? You’ll find out soon enough, but it’s phenomenal to see people such as Rand Paul, who I heavily support, getting elected this week. Rand will fight this kind of nonsense and try to reduce these laws and simplify the tax codes.

In the meantime, we have sticks-in-the-ass like this clown who shut down a 7 year old’s Lemonaide stand in Oregon due to lack of paperwork and licensing. Yes, I know the story had a happy ending, but it should have never have happened in the first place – and WOULDN’T have happened in “highly regulated” China. Land of the free, right?

As for me right now, I’m happy to admit that I’m struggling with the growth of my network. I have several successful projects, but I do nearly everything for every single one of them. The profit margin is great, but it’s time to start hiring other people.

The first thing I want to do is hire a writer. While I love writing, the research and composition takes too much time I’d rather be doing other things (designing, coding, marketing, and surfing, mainly).

Clearly, I want a quality writer who speaks English as his or her first language. But guess what – In the Land of the Free known as the United States of America, you can’t ask or require that English be your first language. That’s illegal become some bureaucrats decided that I need to give everyone a “fair chance”. The best I can do is massage the system and ask backassward questions such as “Do you have any language abilities that would be helpful in doing this job?”. A lot of good that will do.

So I either have to waste my time testing and weeding a bunch of people out (and most likely ultimately arrive at a native English speaker), or I can just say screw it and outsource the service to contractors, who likely aren’t Americans (right now I’m actually working with a British team). I don’t have to pay them benefits that I can’t currently afford, I don’t have to worry about ridiculous Obamacare rules and Welfare policies that may or may not get enacted, and I can stop sourcing to them whenever I want for any reason I choose.

So tell me, who are these laws really helping? Because let me tell you something: Life isn’t fair, and if you don’t meet my requirements, you don’t deserve a “fair chance”. In the real Land of the Free, you don’t have the government make fair chances for you – you make them yourself.

Related posts:

1. I Will No Longer Press 1 To Speak English
2. You Can’t Live the American Dream in Europe
3. If You Like “All” Music, You Like NO Music

This post has three main messages:

The first message is one giant middle finger to every brainwashed, spiral-eyed zombie Ohio State fan who sent me hate mail regarding the aforementioned post. I was right and you were wrong. James Laurinaitis is not only overrated, but he sucked in every big game he played for us, including this week’s Fiesta Bowl disappointment. I may have seen him make about two impact plays since I wrote that, and one of them was during a Michigan State rout.

The Fiesta Bowl was over the second Texas figured that they could simply pass it over the middle a few yards over #33′s head time and time again. He was absolutely lost in coverage, and got schooled by Colt McCoy his thousand-yard passing entourage. I won’t bother posting pictures or videos, someone else can go prove me right. I’m sure whoever does it will find a few good pics where JL is jumping on piles after the whistle and is somehow upside-down too, for good measure. That is, when he’s not standing around like an idiot with his thumb up his ass during passing plays.

My second message is good riddance to the 2008 Ohio State football senior class. You have continually let us down, you never played with ANY heart, and you have diminished the respect of this University (note to spiral-eyed zombie Ohioans – I’ve lived in Texas and CA. We have zero respect and I’m getting sick of defending my degree.)

I should have known there’d be four years of disappointment from these clowns when I saw punter AJ Trapasso starting fights at a local campus bar before he even enrolled into the school. Or when perpetual-disappointment Alex Boone got a DUI and hasn’t made a block since. I’ve never seen an offensive line so out of shape as they were in the second-half of the Fiesta Bowl. I’ll lump Malcolm Jenkins in on the blame too – you all go down together – Jenkins perhaps you should have stepped up as a leader after #33 failed us the first 3 big games?

My third message is that I refuse to enter the Shoe until some major changes are made. I’m not supporting this bullshit. Fire Bollman and every other lopsided Tressel cronie, get an offensive coordinator who knows how to call plays, and find someone who knows what to do with Terrelle Pryor, who is possibly the best player in college football for the next three years unless you continue to waste him. Until then, I’ll fly to Columbus, wear my OSU shirt, hang with friends, and laugh at the morons who pay $800 to watch a truly elite team like USC obliterate us.

I’d rather go 8-4 and show some heart than beat up on the pathetic Big Ten and leave nothing on the table against real teams. Good fucking riddance.

GO BUCKS 2009.

PS – To the thousands of people who found my blog by searching for James Laurinaitis’s girlfriend – GET A LIFE.

Related posts:

1. James Laurinaitis: Ohio State’s Most Overrated Linebacker Ever
2. Ohio State to Exorcise Its Demons (and LSU) in the BCS National Championship Game
3. The Ohio State 2007 National Championship Cleveland Watch List

I loved Austin and wanted to share my joy (and contempt) for the city. I received a lot of good and bad press due to my comments. I learned that when writing, you are putting yourself out there — you need to be thick-skinned and stick to your guns.

Since then, I moved to Hermosa Beach in the South Bay area of Los Angeles to start a new life chapter. I can honestly say that with the possible exception of the 2002 football season or the entire 2004 school year at Ohio State, I’ve never been a happier person. I love life, I love where I live, and I love what I do on a daily basis.

The thing is, I no longer have anything to prove to you. I don’t care if you have a good or bad time in LA. I don’t care if you go to Hollywood when you really should be checking out the South Bay and parts of Orange County.

So many people in the Midwest have never visited LA (or CA for that matter), but still had to share their opinions that I shouldn’t come here. They think it’s a horrible place because “they’ve heard”. They heard there were too many mean people. Rude drivers. High crime, gays, drug abusers, etc.

Rather than listen to the uninformed, sheltered Midwestern masses, I came and experienced. It took me three weekends, but I found the spot in this big city where I could get along. Sure there are bad elements – it is a big city after all – but that’s why you shop around.

So I am not going to write a guide on what to do here. There are plenty of places to find that out, such as yelp.com or the OSU and USC message boards.

Instead, I’m going to tell you a bit about the South Bay, the area where I live in LA.

That first year in LA is rough — if you don’t approach it right, it will eat you alive. If you don’t get active in some sort of productive scene, you will perish. If you are a slug and don’t latch onto the energy, you will get kicked to the curb and turn into a nobody.

For me, the scene that brought me into this fold of energy and activity was beach volleyball. It is definitely the best way to meet normal people out here. It has given LA such a small-town feel for me. You can’t just go out to bars here and expect to meet quality people.

I don’t know why, but when I moved here, I didn’t expect there to be so much partying. Instead, I learned that down here, nobody grows up. There are 35 year olds partying harder than I did as a 25 year old. Nobody gets married. Everyone is dating 4 other people. There is always something going on. Everyone is beautiful and in good shape. It is an adult playground. IT IS COMPETITIVE.

This competition is scary, but don’t let it scare you off. You must step up your game here, in all aspects of the word. You must adapt to the energy. For me, it brought my fight and drive back. It has brought my social skills to new levels.

Californians are a different breed. I still don’t understand them, but let me tell you, they love to talk. At first, I thought they were trying to get something out of me, but then I learned to relax — all they want is a nice Midwestern ear to fill. When everyone talks and is hopped up on 8 cups of coffee, they will fall in love with a listener.

Despite the ridiculous amounts of stimulant-enriched energetic people here, they’re still super laid back. I love it, it’s the best of both worlds.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, PEOPLE ARE NICE.

In my Austin post, I talked about how dumb some Texans were. While true, let me tell you, I had no clue what I was in for in LA. What’s ridiculous is the diversity here – you might be walking down the street with one guy next to you who has got to be the biggest idiot on the planet, and on your other side is literally a brilliant rocket scientist. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. There is no range like this anywhere else.

Everyone in LA is a goddamned real estate expert.

The way I see it, there are only two reasons to move to LA:
1. To be by the ocean
2. To get into “the industry”

I personally see no point to living in the Inland Empire, especially if renting. I also see no reason how people live by the beach/ocean but never use them.

The traffic is awful. I stay off the highways and schedule my life around it. I don’t see how people sit in traffic every day like lemmings. Is this really what we want to be doing with our lives?

Rude drivers? I don’t know, I haven’t really seen it. I’ve never had a time when people would not let me into a lane. I’m rarely cut off by a madman on the loose. Sure, if you sit at the intersection playing on your stupid phone, you will get honked at quicker than in Texas. But there’s a lot of cars out here and we need you moving your ass on green. I have no problem honking when people deserve it, but it doesn’t happen as much as I would have thought.

The highways. It’s not Route 405, or 405. It’s THE 405. Almost like it’s THE Ohio State University, except you say “thuh” and not “thee”. The best explanation I’ve heard for having “The” in front of all of the highways is that each highway has its own very unique personality and thus becomes a proper noun. I personally love it.

I’m not into most LA clothing style. I hate the black print shirts, I hate straight brimmed hats, I hate plaid shorts, I hate high black socks, I hate sagging, and I hate that stupid ass piece of facial hair under your lower lip.

Most of the styles mentioned above are what all the “bros” wear. Unless you are one of my best friends out here, I am NOT your “bro”. I am a dude, or a man.

The heavy metal shows out here are weak as balls.

I have caught myself saying “gnarly”. I plan on keeping this one, just like I occasionally bust out a “y’all” still.

Californians like to say “no worries”. I rarely catch myself saying it, I’m just a “no problem” kind of guy.

I don’t know a damned thing about Hollywood. Don’t ask me about it, and don’t expect me to take you there when you visit, because I don’t go there unless I have a concert to attend. It’s out of my “bubble”, or my small LA geographical area of interest. It’s a pain to get there and it’s not my scene. I’m sure a Buckeye in Hollywood could write an equally interesting rant with a completely different theme… but I prefer to stay by the beach and play with dolphins.

I am falling in love with the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes she lets me ride on her shoulder, other times she beats the piss out of me. It will be tough to leave her — and I’m not sure if I ever will — I don’t make plans like that anymore. No plans.

Californians seem to drink more soda than pop. Unlike other Buckeyes, I don’t fight for “pop”. I just order a Diet Coke — why bother with vagaries?

Girls who’ve lived out here all their life hate the “transplants”, especially other girls. Those are the girls who give LA a bad name. They come out here and try to become something they’re not. They begin to FLAKE.

… and “flaking” is a big problem out here. You can make plans with some people, and have no clue who will really show up. I tend to quickly remove flakes from my life, so it doesn’t bother me too much anymore. Two or three flakes and you’re a goner. I have too many other girls chasing me to care.

Yes, the girls do chase out here. Maybe my game is just that much better, but I don’t think that’s all. If you are a girl and you don’t chase, your mating prospects will be harder. But don’t chase too hard, because that’s a turn-off too. The tables have certainly turned.

Everyone loves the environment. I now recycle like a fiend and love it. I swim in that ocean, put your garbage somewhere else.

If you’re tight on time, don’t get a Californian hybrid owner talking about their hybrid. You might still be there through sunrise.

Despite the enormous Aerospace industry out here, don’t bother talking politics if you’re a neocon. You won’t like what you find. Liberals and third-parties can get along just fine.

Gas is expensive. But not as expensive as Europe, so quit bitching. GM is really regretting killing the EV1 though. Don’t mention that to the guys in Torrance who developed the drive train for it though.

Tattoos run rampant. Especially the full-arm sleeve ones. Kind of scary, but kind of cool too. Don’t expect to see me with one anytime soon though.

If I can’t wear flip flops and a T-shirt (preferably my new Iron Maiden one), I’m not coming.

Sand is EVERYWHERE. I can’t get it out of my bed. I flew home to Cleveland and it ended up in my bed there too – I think I transported it with my ears and belly button. After enough volleyball, you eventually just give up and get used to rolling around in sand.

Sushi is on every corner. Everyone has their own favorite hole-in-the-wall Sushi spot that they love and everyone else hates. Those are fun.

Unlike Texas, good pizza CAN be found out here. It’s still difficult though.

Nobody seems to care about Arnold anymore.

Lastly,

Ohio State – 21
USC – 20

Ohio State goes undefeated, and loses the BCS National Championship to Georgia.

Have fun!

Related posts:

1. Fellow Buckeyes – So You Wanna Visit Austin?
2. Regarding This Week’s Shark Attack in San Diego
3. Forgive Me Buckeyes, For I Have Sinned

Over the past decade, our government has engaged in a series of actions that have resulted in the devaluation of the US Dollar. From
artificially low interest rates to printing up “free money” and distributing it as “stimulus checks”, our dollar has become more and more worthless on the global market. Just like its dim-witted citizenry, this country spends more money than it makes. What makes the government different than its citizens is that the government doesn’t go bankrupt — the money just becomes increasingly useless.

As a result of this, the prices of imported goods (oil, anybody?) have skyrocketed, and our country is quietly being bought out by the Europeans.

That case of Bud Light, which is produced by now European-owned Anheuser-Busch, was direct support for the collapse of the dollar and those who are profiting off of it. Cashing that check devalued the dollar, and the devaluation of the dollar is partially responsible for the sale of AB to InBev. Regardless of which came first, the downward spiral we are traveling upon will be difficult to derail unless we make changes now.

My first change? I’m done buying foreign-owned beer that tries to pass off as “Great American Beer” for my cheap beer selection.

Let’s take a look at the currently popular beer purchases:

• Anheuser-Busch products? Nope, soon-to-be owned by InBev, a bunch of Europeans.
• How about that nice Pete Coors guy and his Coors Light? Oops, Molson owns them up in Canada. Tap the Rockies (and give the profits to Canadians) indeed.
• Well, there’s always that dreaded Miller filthwater, right? Wrong. Owned by SABMiller, which stands for South African Breweries – Miller.

That covers about 90% of what you’ll find on the shelves. Now this is where things get really sad: The largest American-owned beer company is now Pabst. What Pabst doesn’t want you to know is that they don’t even brew beer (and clearly don’t know how) – that’s done by our foreign foes in MillerCoors.

So what American actually brews the damn stuff in America? The Boston Beer Company (Sam Adams).

This means that the next time I’m asked to buy some light beer for a party, here are my choices:

1. Sam Adams Light – At 124 calories, hardly a light beer,
   but I do like it.
2. Yuengling – Great stuff, but I’ve never seen it in California.
3. Iron City Brewing – I.C. Light is probably the closest thing to a “Great American Light” beer you’ll find. Unfortunately, it’s brewed in Pittsburgh, and those of you who know me know that I won’t touch it. My devotion to the Cleveland Browns is above even beer
4. Shiner (Spoetzel Brewery) – I absolutely love this stuff, and will drink it on my upcoming trip to Austin, but I’ve never seen a Shiner Light out here. Shiner Bock will do for now.

At this point, I give up. It’s even worse when I realize that I’d like cans so that I can bring them to the beach. Perhaps it is time I stop buying a “Great American” light beer, and move on to the other delicious brews we have and make my friends deal with it.

The time is ripe for an American to step it up, make the next popular light beer, and distribute/market it like mad. While you’re at it, get the NASCAR crowd up in arms. Pabst could step up to the table, but they need to start brewing their own beer again before I jump onto that bandwagon. Until then, I’m drinking Shiner and Fat Tire.

And as a footnote, how did Friday’s party go? Well, during a wild drinking game, my friend accidentally swallowed a quarter, and couldn’t get it back up. What’s really miserable is that by the time he ‘passes’ it, it will probably be worth about half as much.

Related posts:

1. Weekend in Portland – Mountains, Beer, and Guns
2. You Can’t Live the American Dream in Europe
3. How to Buy and Own Gold – The Layman’s Guide to Escaping the Dollar

I’ve recently received a good number of concerned messages after Dr. Martin’s death, since I’ve been swimming and surfing a lot lately. While I appreciate your concern, I am here to publicly state that I am not going to stop swimming or surfing due to fear of sharks.

I understand the risks I take every time I don a black wetsuit and get into the ocean. The natural marine life, whilst normally shark-free, is part of the fun, adrenaline-pumping process of becoming one with mother nature and her brutal, often unforgiving power.

Let’s be clear about it – When you enter the ocean, you become part of the food chain. And for the first time in your city-dwelling life, you are no longer on top of that chain.

And for that very reason, I don’t think it’s necessary that we hunt the shark that killed Dr. Martin. It was hungry and mistook him for a seal. Deal with it – sharks own the ocean, not us.

If I am killed by a shark while in the ocean, just know that I died while doing something I loved, I was happy as hell, and that I knew the risks that accompanied this endeavor. I will exercise all caution, and leave the water when I feel unsafe (surfers often get a sixth sense when the water feels eerily “sharky”).

If you don’t like it, go ride a bicycle.
See you in the water!

Related posts:

1. Surf Lessons with Chris
2. Berto’s Pre-Surfing Workout For Lon
3. Lunch and the Hunt

“Broader financial market conditions have continued to deteriorate and credit has tightened further for some businesses and households,” the Fed said in a statement in Washington. The FOMC took the action “in view of a weakening of the economic outlook and increasing downside risks to growth.”

The Fed continued, “After a long review of our inflationary data, the determination has been made that inflation does not exist.” When asked about $5.00/gallon gasoline and skyrocketing rental costs, the Fed declined comment, merely stating that energy costs are not part of inflation data.

John Thompson, Senior Staff Analyst at RBB Associates, believes that this will solve the country’s economic woes. “Interest rates are a thing of the past. We no longer believe that they are necessary, since we can print as many greenbacks as needed to pay for our luxaries, Mexican labor, and cluster bombs. As long as the government continues to spend this money, it will exchange hands and wealth will be generated an infinite amount.”

When asked about the Euro reaching an all-time high of 1 Euro to 8 US Dollars, Thompson remarked that “European central banking will soon follow suit to eliminate interest rates and order will be restored. Clearly they will want to keep pace with the most powerful economy in the world.”

Despite panic among treasury traders, the Dow Jones closed up at 12,753.53 points. Most impressive gains were in the services sector, which were up 3.4%, despite data showing that nobody has had work for 4 months.

John McCain, former Republican Presidential Candidate and Congressman, was overheard saying “0% interest rates should get us through this election, at which point Mitt Romney will win the Presidency and we can continue to do the Federal Reserve’s biddings. The draft won’t be far off, and we’ll no longer have to worry about economics ever again”

A representative of the middle class was sought for comment, but none could be found.

Related posts:

1. The Great Unamerican Beer
2. Life and the Cereal Price Index
3. How to Buy and Own Gold – The Layman’s Guide to Escaping the Dollar

1. Florida

   Despite losing four bowl games in a row, Michigan takes the hated Gators out 41-35. Florida bounces off of their National Title with a glamorous four-loss season.

   And who was the last team Michigan beat in a bowl game? Drumroll… The Gators! (2003 Outback Bowl).

2. South Florida

   Humiliated for 56 points by an Oregon team with a back-up quarterback. Back to irrelevancy…

3. UCF

   Wow, a three-point jaw-dropper to fall to five-time-loser Mississippi State in the Autozone Liberty Bowl.

4. Florida State

   Loses a mere three dozen idiots due to suspension and then loses to those basketballers at Kentucky. Hey Bowden – Great job on another classy 7-6 season!

5. Miami

   I can’t find them on the ESPN scoreboard. Oh wait, that’s right — THE U went 5-7 and was not invited to a bowl game. Easy come, easy go.

Hey, at least Florida Atlantic took it to six-loss Memphis in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl!

Now THAT’S some Southern Speed!

Related posts:

1. The Ohio State 2007 National Championship Cleveland Watch List
2. I Didn’t Want to Go There Anyway…
3. 10/13/2007 – Ohio Obliteration Domination Day (OODD)

For three years, I’ve been a loyal subscriber and reader of Smart Money Magazine. It was always a well-written magazine with solid advice. The articles and stock picks were often winners, and the writers always gave compelling arguments and entertaining insight.

However, over these years, I’ve come to watch your magazine turn into a pile of non-technical financial fluff with egregious amounts of cardboard inserts, advertisement-fueled centerfolds, and consumer-driven spending spree recommendations.

I could handle the tripling of cardboard inserts and ads over the past year. My first mission upon opening a newly arrived Smart Money was to tear out all cardboard and throw it away. Seriously though, if I’m a subscriber to your magazine, how many damned business reply mail cards do I need to re-subscribe to the mag? Isn’t one enough?

I could also handle the annoying centerfold-style articles that span four pages so that Smart Money can sell monstrous ads to Genworth Financial and T. Rowe Price. But as much as I love looking like a complete jackass while gawking over an enormous centerfold on a crowded airplane, I prefer to keep my centerfolds in magazines that do NOT sport pictures of Ben Bernanke.

However, the tipping point for my frustration with your publication came in the December 2007, with the cover article Best of Everything — 9 New Splurges You Deserve.

Let me tell you Smart Money hypocrites something – if I am subscribed to something titled Smart Money Magazine, chances are that I don’t want to read your recommendations for a 3,450 dollar fucking watch. How dare you insult me with your half-assed third of a page to recommend plasma TVs! And I certainly don’t need you telling me where to get a road bike or silk scarves of all things. You call this SMART money?

If I want to find the best television, guess where the last place I’m going to look for advice is: that’s right, a financial magazine. If I needed a buying guide, I would go get Consumer Fucking Reports, not your joke of a monthly publication.

So essentially, the money I’ve paid you this past year to give me financial advice has gone towards receiving advertisements and learning how to piss away my money on your recommended product-placement-driven luxary goods?

Well guess what Smart Money – I’m done with you. My subscription ended with that December edition and you will not be receiving any more money from me. Good luck with your spa bathrobe recommendations to your moron customers who sit in debt while I read how to actually properly SAVE money from your competition.

Sincerely,
Mike Roberto
Hermosa Beach, CA

So I’m now on a mission to find a REAL financial magazine, something with real technical analysis, a worldview, written and edited by people who aren’t complete sell-outs. I’m currently thinking of getting The Economist, which is an England-based weekly news magazine. Despite being less financial-based, having four times the content will more than make up for Smart Money’s monthly blundering babble.

Any recommendations would be appreciated.

Related posts:

1. Why You do NOT Deserve to be the TIME Magazine Person of the Year
2. My First Book Review: Freakonomics, by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
3. Book Review: The Broker, by John Grisham