Crash Test Lobby Card

Exactly a year ago, I was thrown into a reality TV pilot titled Crash Test, which aired on Spike TV on April 27th, 2010. On Crash Test, we used top-notch stuntmen and stuntwomen to recreate accidents and crime scenes to see who was really guilty or innocent.

I was the “biomedical scientist” of the bunch, and took measurements to determine if the real-life accidents would have really occurred in our simulations had we not been using professional stuntmen and women.

70MPH Remote-Controlled Crash

For reasons I’d rather not get into, the show is not moving forward with a whole season, despite its rave reviews from both sexes and all age groups (further despite the bad rating on IMDB… who’s the clown that gave us a 1/10?!). So at this point, I’d like to add my perspective.

I was thrown into the project at the absolute last minute, and even missed a day of filming. I had one full day to prepare, which included finding sensors, programming my hardware and software, doing the research on the accidents we were about to recreate and how I should take measurements.

Being on set was absolute chaos, and probably the coolest experience of my life up to this point — and I’d like to thank Reveille Studios, Tim Prokop, and Spike TV for giving me this incredible opportunity. So here is what I learned from being the geek on the set of a Reality TV show:

1. Come Prepared (Gear)
   If you’re doing anything technical, you better make sure your stuff works PERFECTLY before getting there, and is completely self-contained. When your gear is needed, there is absolutely no time to make last-minute changes or fix a programming issue.

   Your devices need to be self-contained. You are not guaranteed how far away it will be or if there will be power nearby. You need to be able to flip a switch and have it ready to go.

   There might also be a lot of time between turning it on and when the film is actually rolling (see the “Hurry up and Wait” section), so make sure you have a lot of memory and battery life.

   At this point, I must give a shout-out and thank NI Systems Engineering* for their assistance, specifically David Harding. Also Otmar, Caroline, and Simon in NI DIAdem and LabVIEW Marketing, and my good buddy Paul Mandeltort for being all-around smart as hell. Thanks guys!

   *(side note: If you’re an NI customer working on a very large project and are not leveraging these resources, you’re crazy NOT to contact your local rep and make sure you’re doing things right!)

2. Come Prepared (Research)
   
   

   SCIENTISTS > Engineers!

   You are the expert on whatever the hell you’re doing. Or so the country believes. One of the directors is going to be asking you questions from your perspective. You need to know what’s going on, and how to compare it to real world stuff so that the audience has a clue what you’re talking about?

   There was 40g of force? Guess what, geek – that means nothing to 99.5% of the country. But “it’s the same impact force as getting hit by a college lineman off the line of scrimmage”? Cool, now you’re talkin.

   This one was tough for me, as I had to worry about programming my gear on top of knowing what amount of force typically breaks a vertebrate, information not always easy to find.

   And am I an expert biomedical scientist? Fuck yeah.

3. Be Aggressive
   Get your ass in front of the camera! Tell the camera guys that you have something cool to show them. If there’s a critical scene that you pretty much KNOW will make the final cut, make sure your face is visible and you have some decent input (unless told not to). There were a lot of times when I was behind a computer but should have popped my head in to make some comments.

   Additionally, don’t let any crew members do any setup stuff that could get you on TV more. Do all things that pertain to your role.

   In our show, Casey was operating the high-speed camera. That should have been MY job – because it would be my job to take the video and synchronize it with my data. Another example is the guy who’s hammering in the stake that connected to the chains that held the trailer down. That should have been Casey doing that. Get aggressive.

4. Research YOURSELF
   I learned a lot about myself by watching myself on video. Before you go on set, have a friend videotape you doing similar things that you’ll be doing on the show. For me, I would have taped myself walking around, using the computer, hooking stuff up, standing and arguing, etc.
   
   

   Front row seats to this crash? Priceless

   
   Here’s what I would have improved about myself had I seen myself on camera first (and yes, this will sound horribly lame and egocentric, but it’s the truth):
   • I didn’t realize how much I hated my beard length until I saw it. I was on setting #3 throughout the show, and will always be at #1 or #2 from now on. I can’t believe I’ve worn #3 that much without noticing!
   • My eyebrows need trimming. Not waxing or grooming, but trimming – they’re just too damned long. My barber, Daisy, now takes care of this… but I wish I would have done this earlier… like 15 years earlier. Very “gay” of me to say so, but very true.
   • I hate those jeans. And I wear them ALL THE TIME (note: despite writing this… 1 year later, I still wear those. I really am a lazy POS)
   • Build up my traps. I’m a swimmer, my shoulders should look better under a polo shirt than that!

   A picture is NOT worth a thousand words – a video is.

5. Get some sleep before filming.

   Because I was pulled in at the last minute, I was spending all-nighters coding up my experiments. And boy, did that take its toll. I was a zombie by the end of the filming days, messing things up, and had huge bags under my eyes. This may conflict with rule #1, but we all have a minimal number of hours of sleep in order to function properly and you need to get that much. For me, it’s 4 hours.

6. Hurry up and Wait!
   

   Me, TJ, and Casey take a break from the heat

   Being on the set is nothing short of pure chaos. You will be sitting around, waiting for your part, and then when it’s time, you better be in the vicinity and ready to rock and roll. Not out back flirting with that cutie Kelia or the stunt girls (heh). And then you’ll be called over for your part… just in time to get yelled at and probably wait another 10 minutes for no logical reason whatsoever.

   Hurry up and wait – Be prepared but chill out. It’ll take time as the other ongoing chaos unfolds.

7. Know who is who on the crew.
   
   

   Matt Discusses the Tornado

   
   You will get a “Call Sheet” that has everyone’s jobs and names. Understand what their roles are and try to remember their names. If you have time, research what is a “Line Producer” vs. an “Assistant Director”, what the Grips are, and so on. This will pay MASSIVE dividends. Treat them all incredibly well. Also note that if it’s a pilot, defined roles are not clearly set and everyone wears a zillion hats, so if you need something, just keep asking for it (or keep asking who to ask) until you get the right person.

   Also, the director is KING. Do whatever he says, with little argument unless you know it’s awfully wrong. Otherwise, guess what… you will get cut out of that scene! Don’t try to “write” over what they want you to say, you’ll just get yelled at. Right Casey?

8. Day Before Shooting Chaos!

   The day before filming will be the most chaotic day you’ve ever lived through. Nothing will be ready. You’ll have to go to Home Depot and Radio Shack 35 times. There will be studio employees driving all over the city trying to get stuff for this project to work. I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life. And somehow, you’ll get through it with flying colors. And get some sleep!

9. Acting!

   There is definitely a component of acting. You will be asked to say and do certain things multiple times, even if they already caught your natural reaction. Do your best – you’re a shitty actor and everyone knows it, so there’s not a ton of pressure, but they might be able to get a few seconds of better crap out of you.

10. Product placement
    

    Pimpin DIAdem? You bet!

    As an engineer using tools on the set, you’ll get a ton of companies wanting to give you free stuff for product placement. It’s really cool. However, those placements will be FAST and the company needs to decide if it’s really worth it for them to waste a whole day getting it in the show. I personally think it’s worth it, but don’t expect your product to be slowly called out and for us to pop your website onto the screen. Action is too fast.

    As the rep for National Instruments at the time, I had access and know-how to use NI gear. I put it freaking everywhere. I finally got PXI on TV. I put DIAdem and LabVIEW logos in my software for the screenshots (see image). Get aggressive but don’t go over the top. Note: NDAs and other contracts will need to be signed between the studio and the vendors.

11. Have Fun
    

    Matt havin fun in the Tornado

    It was stressful at times on that set, but things started slowing down by the final couple of days. Remember you’re on there to make good TV! Have fun and be yourself! It’s an experience you might never get again, so enjoy it, make friends, and smile.

As I finish writing this, I am kind of bummed out. Working with Tim Prokop, Casey, TJ, Jack, and the Stunts Unlimited guys was such a cool experience. John Schneider is a total pimp. This show was fucking awesome, and I really wish we could have received a full season.

I have to admit that it PISSES me off to see such garbage that is on TV nowadays, and when we try to put something out with some semblance of intelligence, we get one episode. But money talks, and as you can imagine, it cost a lot of money. It was simply too risky, and I understand that business decision. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be jealous or mad at society for watching nothing but slop when our show doesn’t work out!

As I become fully self-employed next month, I am going to throw my hat in the ring and audition for a few other geeky reality shows. I would be happy to be the geek on or off the set. It’s fun and a great challenge.

This concludes part 1, on the set. Coming next up next: Post-filming.

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]]> http://www.mikeroberto.com/2010/what-i-learned-from-being-a-reality-tv-character-part-1-of-3-on-the-set/feed 1 http://www.mikeroberto.com/2010/crash-test-spike http://www.mikeroberto.com/2010/crash-test-spike#comments Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:46:33 +0000 Berto http://www.mikeroberto.com/?p=226
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It is now clear why NBC decided to unshamedly promote the living hell out of Parenthood: The show and its star-studded cast delivers big.

Parenthood revolves around four siblings and their spouses, and focuses on their various battles towards raising their children. The age of these siblings range from the mid-thirties to early forties, but Parenthood also gives plenty of screen time to their children and parents. The show begins with Sara Braverman (Lauren Graham), who moves her two teenage children back home to Berkeley due to financial trouble. Her parents (Bonnie Bedelia and Craig T. Nelson) welcome them back into the house, thus beginning the show and its amazingly complete introduction to the characters.

Lauren Graham... wow

In the meantime, their little brother Crosby (Dax Shepard) is hit with a bomb at the end of the episode, and the other sister Julia (Erika Christensen) is such a successful lawyer that her daughter prefers the company of her father (Sam Jaeger) due to her mother’s inexistent rearing.

The Parenthood Cast

Much of Parenthood’s initial issues are taken from the 1989 movie. Steve Martin wanted his kid to do well in little league baseball, as does Adam. Dianne Wiest had challenges as a single mom with two teenage kids – same for Sara. The “bomb” dropped on Crosby is also the same. However, these “thefts” are fine because it was a good story in 89, and with modern adaptations, it’s even better today.

My amazement with this show is how well so many characters are introduced without the loss of any plot development. Nearly a dozen characters are successfully brought in, but it is done in such a way that it supports the story. There is still plenty of drama, conflict, and resolution to give the show a proper storyline. I’ve seen shows with a third of the characters fail miserably at this. Consider this a true testament to the writers.

Father and Son

Parenthood has many funny moments (ever go to your girlfriend’s house and find a stainless steel thermos of another man’s sperm?), touching moments (Adam and Kristina’s realization that their son is different – thousands of mothers across the country cried at this part), and a few ridiculous moments (finding your single mother half naked with another man, after she had found her father’s condoms… are single mothers this desperate? Hmmm maybe so..) It kept me on my toes and thoroughly entertained – more so than most of the regurgitated slop I’ve witnessed on TV lately.

As much as I loved Parenthood’s pilot episode, the show may not be for you. Don’t bother watching if you can’t give it your full attention. If you can’t pause the TV and can’t hold your bladder, you’re out of luck – you’re gonna miss something during that bathroom break, and it will definitely come back to confuse you later on. Parenthood has no downtime; no filler. If you can’t keep 12 characters semi-straight, you will be lost. I imagine my Dad asking my Mom “Wait, which one is that?” about 10 times, at which point their arguments over whose kid is whose have made them miss half of the action on the show, ruining everything except a frustrated trip to bed.

Son and Father

All in all, Parenthood is the best TV I’ve seen in a long time, besides perhaps the Season 4 Finale of Dexter (and you can’t even compare the two). We needed this. Thank you to a wonderful group of writers, actors, and the team at NBC.

And the best thing of all? Rumors from the set are that “it only gets better”. We’ll be there ready to take you up on that offer.

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Specifically, I was a guest picketer for the Writers Guild of America (WGA), joining my dear friend Sarah Watson, writer on NBC’s forthcoming primetime show, Lipstick Jungle.

For those of you unaware, the WGA is a union which represents TV, film, and radio writers. The WGA is striking against the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP), which is an industry trade group consisting of U.S. film production companies and studios (ie. GE/NBC/Universal, Disney, Time Warner, etc). Every three years, these organizations negotiate a basic contract. However, in 2007, negotiations failed, and a strike began on November 2, 2007.

The way I understand it (heavily dumbed down — explaining it is neither my jurisdiction nor purpose), there are two major sticking points to the WGA’s strike:

1. DVD Residuals
   The writers want 8 cents for every DVD sold, double their current 4 cents. That is 0.4% of the revenue from a $20.00 DVD.
2. “New Media” Residuals
   Writers currently get no money when their work is viewed through Internet downloads, streaming feeds, IPTV, or phone downloads. They want to receive the 2.5% for these (which is what they’re paid on traditional television).

The funniest thing about this strike is what a social event it seems to be for the writers. Everyone I talked to was in optimistic spirits, and was very friendly to Sarah and myself. After all, being out of work for many months at a time is nothing new to a writer. Among those that I met were

• Craig Williams, writer of Underdog (and some really cool upcoming ideas),
• Zach Estrin, Co-executive Producer of Prison Break,
• Brent Fletcher and John Zinman of Friday Night Lights (all of my regular readers know what a sucker I am for this show),
• David Misch and Jeff Reno of Mork & Mindy fame, and
• Rob Bragin, Sarah’s co-worker on Lipstick Jungle.

The Writers are not dumb, nor are the studios. As Internet and TV are quickly merging (take, for instance, AppleTV, Verizon FIOS, and even the growing popularity of streaming protocols such as Sopcast), each side must stand their ground and try to gain as much leverage over new media as soon as possible. This is especially true since the lines between TV and Internet are blurring and all forecasts of new media are vastly underestimated.

As a Libertarian, I find the entire situation to be a slap in the face to our country’s economic system, which resembles more and more of a joke every day. While I’ve never been pro-Union, I find it absolutely ridiculous that 6 of the largest corporations in the world can unite and dominate an industry with basically no competition between each other.

Our supposed ‘free market economy’ is dominated by corporate interests which have contributed to the disappearance of the middle class — a middle class that is vitally important to the survival of any democratic government.

I fully support the writers’ power to unionize and convene, but I also fully support the corporations power to fire their employees and do things their own way. That’s business.

What I cannot support is the fact that there are six companies worth a quarter of a trillion dollars all in bed with each other, negotiating blanket deals. These same corporations who control everything you read and hear, who are doing everything in their power to silence those who are trying to restore order to this country.

Although this strike has very little impact on my life and that of my family, I feel that it is indicative of the bigger picture — the pendulum has swung too far, and the time for mass corporate backlash is near.

My question to you writers is this: What next? Let’s say you get everything (or almost everything) you bargain for. You are still pawns in the system, stuck in a traditional business which does not fully understand the future of technology and no longer appreciates the people it serves.

Isn’t it time for something new? Why settle for this, when you can take a risk to do better — to compete with the system by starting your own production organization. After all, if you’re not willing to take this risk, then you’ve already lost.

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SUNNY DAY IN THE PARK

The Trix Rabbit has a malicious look on his face. He is setting a trap.

TRIX RABBIT (TO HIMSELF)

Those kids are gonna wish they never messed with me this time… I can’t wait to get me some delicous and nutritious fruit-flavored TRIX!

Raspberry red, lemmony yellow, and orangedy orange, YEAH!

SAME SUNNY DAY IN THE PARK

Two kids are skipping down the path, box of Trix in hand. Trix Rabbit is hiding behind a tree on the right side but is purposefully sticking his ears out.

5 YEAR OLD KID 1Is it that goofy rabbit again?

5 YEAR OLD KID 2Yeah… look at those ears – he’s just getting lazy now!

The kids run across to the left side of the path.

5 YEAR OLD KID 1 (TO TRIX RABBIT)Silly Rabbit, Trix are for –

The kids fall into the Trix Rabbit’s trap. They are caught in a net up in the branches of the tree. The box of Trix falls onto the ground.

TRIX RABBITHAHAHAAHA! Now the delicious Trix are MINE! Who’s lazy now?!

The Trix Rabbit pours a bowl of cereal. Orgasmic orchestral music plays in the background, rainbow colors are flashing in the background. The Trix Rabbit begins taking enormous bites of Trix.

(PAUSE)

The Trix Rabbit gets a disappointing look on his face, quickly realizing that the Fruity Pebbles he had been eating since his last bowl of Trix (in 1991) are, in fact, a far superior breakfast cereal.

(Fade to next scene)

IN THE STALLS

The screen flashes “12 Hours Later.” The Trix Rabbit is in a public restroom, smoking a cigarette on the shitter. 5 Year Old Kids finally come in to clean themselves off from the trap.

TRIX RABBITWhat the hell man?!?!! I got GREEN SHITS!

5 YEAR OLD KID 2That’s right, asshole! Now you see what we have to deal with every time we eat that garbage!

5 YEAR OLD KID 1Yeah you bastard! Green shits aren’t just for kids you know!

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Led by Jack Bauer and our friends at the Los Angeles CTU (Counter-Terrorist Unit) must again fight our Middle-Eastern pals who find it more important to destroy all of America rather than to lead meaningful and happy lives. We find out through the previews that Jack has been exchanged back to the United States by the Republic of China. Terrorists who have taken the country under a siege of suicide bombing attacks are demanding Jack be sacrificed in order to obtain critical information to stop the attacks.

I will not give away any details to the shows. Normally, it really wouldn’t matter because 24 has become so formulaic that you could predict everything from the start. For instance, let’s recap some of the formula:

• Jack returns from some type of hiatus in which he must overcome physical, mental, and personal issues in order to perform his job,
• CTU will have an insider and get compromised, often due to the fact that it is protected by mall security,
• A foul-smelling love plot will permeate early on in the season and fester the entire time throughout,
• It only takes 15 minutes to drive ANYWHERE in Los Angeles county (this is even more ridiculous now that I live here),
• CTU will have a high-ranking female individual who is a weak and embarrassing leader, but will also be rather pleasing to the eye,
• Someone from “Division” will come to replace CTU due to their incompetence, but will only bring more incompetence,
• A civilian family will be brought into the mix and have some sort of tremendous impact,
• Jack will go crazy and stop following protocol (often with a quality interrogation scene or two),
• The Nation’s leaders won’t listen to Jack because he’s gone crazy, only to realize he was right when it’s too late,
• All blonde-haired characters will be indestructible (Jack, Chloe, Audrey, Kim), while brunettes deal with a much higher mortality rate,
• Someone dies in the CTU hospital room,
• Jack will scream “DAMNIT!” and it will be awesome.

I’m not complaining though, because the formula is a good one, the action is great, and Kiefer Sutherland is incredible. It’s post-911 action/drama and I love it.

Moving on to this season, you can already tell that you will see some of the above formulaic traits. However, I’ll tell you this – this is NOT going to be your typical 24 season. If you think the show jumped the shark after its outlandish 5th season, then come on back aboard, because this one looks intense, and above all else, different.

Jack is different, as he’s been through a lot in China. The leadership is different, having learned from old mistakes and having a new President. The enemy is different, because there are multiple fronts. And finally, Chloe is different – she just looks hotter and is losing her charismatic attitude.

You will see things that have not happened in previous 24s. You will see Jack do things that he’s never done, and things done to Jack that haven’t been done before (i.e. he actually doesn’t beat the ever-living shit out of someone in one altercation, but don’t worry, that person will still die).

These new twists, along with others, make 24 extremely promising. Watch the first four episodes and tell me you aren’t absolutely hooked. Because I am, and now I have to wait a month to see any more.

Enjoy, and Rest In Peace Edgar (Seasons 2-5, pictured above)
-berto

PS: Bonus material – www.bauercount.com – read about every one of Jack’s kills in all episodes. Looking at the Episode 6 data may spoil it for you.

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The pilot of Friday Night Lights was incredible and had me within minutes. It was edgy, had lots of football action, and a good storyline. However, it was also predictable right from the start.

Obviously, this show is about high school kids, so it’s going to have every stereotype possible. The story focuses on two quarterbacks – the good one, and the backup. It didn’t take a whole lot of brains realize that this #1 QB was going to get his head blown off somewhere, and soon.

And so began the stereotypes and predictability, and they haven’t stopped since. So let’s quickly go through this show in all of its lameness:

The show stars all the stereotypes:

1. Good looking QB being recruited by Notre Dame (of course it has to be Notre Dame… anything else would force the writers to actually open the sports page to find a team that isn’t eternally overrated)… who obviously dates the cutest cheerleader
2. Thug black guy RB
3. New coach who is from out of town (and of course has a cute daughter and large-breasted MILF of a wife)
4. Young backup QB who is timid but will gain his wings
5. Alcoholic, undersized bad-boy fullback in all his 180lbs of fury
6. A few string-pulling sleazy rich guys
7. A bunch of other hot girls splattered throughout
8. Not a single offensive or defensive lineman. Who would expect Hollywood to know what those are?

And the story…

1. Star QB gets paralyzed, backup QB comes in and wins the game despite being cluelessly lost.
2. Team begins unraveling and loses a game. Idiot hillbillies (which, of course, is all that exists in Texas, right Hollywood?) start threatening the coach that he better start winning OR ELSE! (this latter part is actually realistic)
3. Sleazebag string-puller brings in another QB, who of course is yet another thug black guy. Obviously it’s not possible to have a nice black dude on a TV show in Texas… that kind of thing just doesn’t exist, does it? *rolls eyes*
4. The fullback, whose best friends with the former QB, has not visited him one time in the hospital as he recovers from a broken neck. He is too busy drinking at all hours of the day, just like every chum I knew in high school. Oh, and to top things off, he starts banging his best friend’s girlfriend. Yeah….
5. New thug QB is talented but a total asshole, so he gets kicked off the team. Didn’t see that one coming.
6. Throw in a half-dozen other worthless and meaningless sub-plots that have nothing to do with football (show is now deteriorating rapidly)
7. Backup QB solidifies his spot, starts winning, and is about to start boning the coach’s daughter for good measure.
8. Thug RB had a bad day, so what do all black guys do after a bad day? You guessed it! They start using drugs… this one goes on steroids. Am I laying it on thick enough yet?

So not only is this shit getting awfully lame, but at this point, they’re no longer showing any football! All the good parts of the show are gone, and have been replaced by the OC season 2.

At around #7, I begin hearing complaints from my good friend Lon, who was also suckered in by the pilot. This is where Lon boldly predicted,

only a matter of time until they introduce the homo
–Lon, football addict

And you know what? Lon is right. In fact, he’s so right that I’m not only willing to bet nearly any sum of money that this show will introduce a gay guy into the drama, I will predict who it’s going to be:

This guy. The gay guy will be the backup QB’s best friend, who has always been at his side and never has a girl. He’s also been frustrated with his best friend becoming “the man” as QB of the team, but is not on the varsity squad.

And at this point, you will all owe me your bets.

But we’ll just keep on watching, because after all, it’s not action, it’s drama – shitty drama at that — and I’m freakin hooked.

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